blogdumb

2005-02-16T09:46:00.000-05:00

The house may be falling apart, so to speak.

Two of us have jobs. And out of the two, one of those guys has so many bills the most he has been able to come up in terms of rent is $100.

I only wish i was one of the employed. Maybe then i could bail us out of this potential disaster. At least help the cause, perhaps.

But now for me it's down to a 'quit while you're ahead' deal. I'm caught up with the bills despite the lack of employment, but March 1st is just around the corner, and it doesn't look that great.

Now if Rob would only send me that demo, then maybe i'd have something to work with.
So everyone yell at Rob for being to busy, and unable to do my bidding whenever i need him to drop everything.

Fucking hell Rob.

2005-02-15T08:34:00.000-05:00

Guess what?

Valentines sucks.

Yep. Not a fan at all. Not that i hate it, but indifferent.
Hallmark holidays don't mean quite so much if you can't afford the card.

Check back later today for more.
Sleepy time now.

2005-02-09T04:29:00.000-05:00

and one more thing.

for those interested (and you should be interested), the jody has posted recently.

and i have to admit it's amongst one of my favorites from him.

pacoblue

2005-02-09T04:07:00.000-05:00

so i have this constant debate in my internal self, being

"do i blog, with nothing really interesting to relate?"

-or-

"do i not blog at all?"

fuck it. you know i'm going to blog periodically.
I've been having trouble coming to grips with the fact that i need to settle down somewhere, well, to some degree at least.

And i somehow manage to come upon this while being stuck in the midwest.

Was it the midwest that did it to me, or was it time?

I've got a lot of ideas for shorts pounding around in my gray haired little mind of late. And there are others that seem interested in working on them, but

if you've ever tried to get indie projects off the ground before, especially with the young and the optimistic, you learn really fast that it's mostly talk, and mostly optimism that take those conversations anywhere, and hardly ever any ambition to see something complete, something inspired, something worth doing, and do well.

Jokes are funny to shoot. But that's about it.

I'm not a comedian, but just a guy who, when working on something, forgets to eat, sleep, and has zero perception of time.

except that he knows time slips by, and there is hardly anything to show for it.
because he has always been hopeful that the one brilliant day will come, the one idea that will be the fuel to get him on higher ground.

And now i place my wrist to my forehead and sigh...

fucking writers.
fucking artistic types.

we are the shittiest breed, hands down.

and why the fuck can't blogger spell check recognize the word 'blog'?

2005-02-04T10:39:00.000-05:00

i decided that it has been far to long, so i am going to the movies today.

ever since i moved out to this podunk joint, my life went into slow motion.
funny how i think a trip to the theatres will rectify that, but in a way it will.
at least i will be semi-current on recent pop-media and such.

which is far better than the radio.

2005-02-01T09:12:00.000-05:00

I've spoken to a few friends back in the ATL, asking what they thought of the new pup.

"The husky? Cute as hell..."

"No, no, no; The pitbull."

"What pitbull?"

About a week from this past Saturday i got the option to foster a two yrold male pit named Tyson.
Awesome dog.

The lady who had him before me had nine dogs in her home. All adult. All male. 4 Danes, and 5 pits.

The one she gave me made a go for alpha, and nearly killed her dane, practically ripping out his throat.

So she gave him to me.
Awesome dog.
Not becasue he did an amazing act of violence, because i could hardly give a shit about that sort of thing in terms of "oh how fucking cool", but a great pup in terms of how trained and loyal this guy is right off the bat.

You should hear him when someone comes into my room while i'm sleeping.

If you want to see him, look at the buzznet.

___________________________________________________________________

Remember when i last got arrested?
Well, court finally ended for that. They had wanted me to get my liscence back before sentencing so i could plea under 'driving w/ out a liscence'.

Only problem is that the State of NC thinks i not only live in Cali, but have a DL there, and while passing through NC, about 8 years ago, got a ticket, and never paid it off.

I did live in L.A. for a time, but i moved away when i was 14.
And no, i never had a DL there.
But i have been to NC. And yes, i've had a ticket there. Or two.

Ok, maybe three +....
But i've paid them all off.
Scout's honor.

needless to say that was never rectified, so i go into court unprepared as usual.

I think i really irritated them. The DA requested that i have 10 days in jail, suspended, $100 fine, and drop it.

He said" Your honor, i think this is costing the tax payers more than it's worth at this point. State recomends..."

No shit asshole.

Find a crime with a victim for once. Pursue that matter.
On that note, here's a little dance movie starring a roomie of mine. enjoy.

It's really lame, and not worth your time to watch.

I'm serious.

DANCE DANCE DANCE

2005-01-26T04:46:00.000-05:00

A special thanks to the Greek today for his christmas present that arrived in the mail today.

1: Baldur's Gate 2, previously opened, and i assume played by the greek himself.

2: The movie "Ravenous". I am amongst a select few who actually love this movie about wendigos and cannibalism.

I think the actual number is 8.

The Greek is not one of them,
But Rob is.

The movie was not opened or previously viewed.

3: A self addressed envelope along with an attached post-it note.
"dude, can i borrow Fable?"

my friends know me well.

not good at all.

2005-01-22T04:59:00.000-05:00

Ok.

I know it's no tsunami, but, when the wind blows your bedroom window right off the frame and onto your floor...

yeah, kinda freaky.

2005-01-20T04:18:00.000-05:00

I'd like to dedicate this post to Rob:

Crate training a puppy is a bitch.
I bet he would have liked to have done that with his kids, minus feeding them a rawhide or pig ear.

Just got over a Sodak winter heatwave.
Believe it or not, it got up to a nice crisp 20 above.
I got to smoke outside without having to bundle up like the kid from "A Christmas Story".
But now it's over and i'm back to being a starfish.

I discovered a neighbor of mine owns a llama.
Not sure why, other than to say "Hey. Look. I have a llama...".
And then we'd reply, saying, "Yup. Sure do.... It looks cold."

A tumbleweed passes by...

Yeah.
So.
I'm going out for a small business loan soon.

Wish me luck.

2005-01-15T17:12:00.000-05:00

Rob vs. Bunny in my comments:

Says Bunny:
you cheeky so-and-so.

.

ooo. look at my dramatic way of breaking up thoughts.

.

i'm rob the "conservative intellectual."

2005-01-15T13:12:00.000-05:00

I'd like to share with you these latest of greatest search hits.

Little did i know that the name of my former probation officer shared a name with a teen amatuer porn star thingy...

02 Jan, Sun, 14:30:21	Google: yawning vibration
03 Jan, Mon, 05:59:36	Google: gunther trend
03 Jan, Mon, 23:20:14	MSN Search: Rapist in the mid 1970's Texas
03 Jan, Mon, 23:45:33	Google: "lindsay marshall"+"cheerleader"
05 Jan, Wed, 19:17:44	MSN Search: MN HOUSEWIFE ESCORTS
07 Jan, Fri, 09:49:21	Google: get er done shirts
07 Jan, Fri, 20:50:49	MSN Search: pictues of leaning tower of pisa
08 Jan, Sat, 19:03:31	Google: +"university of sioux falls" +lawsuit
08 Jan, Sat, 22:18:40	Yahoo: girls fucking Sioux Falls, SD
09 Jan, Sun, 00:24:53	Google: 49th man
10 Jan, Mon, 12:01:40	Google: thirsty duck and sioux falls phone number
13 Jan, Thu, 13:50:58	Yahoo: Gitchee Manitou, SD
14 Jan, Fri, 15:54:31	Google: ways of a pediphile
14 Jan, Fri, 16:44:41	Google: ftp un long dimanche de fiancailles

2005-01-15T08:06:00.000-05:00

I feel a big post coming on.

I hadn't really checked this thing in a few days. Time just getting away from me. Well, that and having a canine version of an infant.

I also know why there are no smokers in Star Wars. You see, there is no way in hell Luke would've been able to sneak in a smoke here or there while on Hoth. Impossible. His ass would be caught by that robot that guards the hottub cylindar.

It is so ridiculously fucking cold here in the sodak that when i breathe in through my nose, not only does it shoot stinging pain into my cranium (like an 'too much ice cream' headache), but i can feel every bit of moisture freeze upon inhale, then melt at exhale.

Last night was The Lunar Funk Theory @ the Brickhouse/ DT Sioux Falls. I'm not a 'jamband' guy, but it was nice to catch some live music for a change. The reason i went, however, was so i could shoot their show. This makes the second shoot i've done for them. First one was at the VFW.

That's right.

I attended a show at the 'Veterans of Foreign Wars' legion. A jamband show. Crowd filled with hippies, walls lined with photos of Vets from WW2/1 as well as Vietnam.

So i've decided not to say whether or not i'm putting video up.
If it shows up it does, and whatever.
If i do a cut for them, then it may show, but as it stands my record sucks.
I'm a big boy. I know when i dropped the ball.

oh, and speaking of which...

let's move on from the fucking dog, alright? you got a blog, you got your internet connection back.
.
you wanna maintain these sporadic updates on The Life And Times Of Shaun, give us something besides all these half-assed pleas for sympathy and approval - give us a frenzied gut-check every coupla days and nothing else.
.
or get off the fence and commit to slamming something out every 23 hours - even the cutesy lump in the throat shit - but do it every day. give us The Daily Strife And Mind Of Shaun Katz.
.
this halfway bullshit is getting tired. work this thing or stop pretending for fuck's sake.
.
rob | 01.14.05 - 12:08 pm | #

Thanks Rob. A real pal.

I only had one dog post.
Approval? Sympathy?

But i think this is funny:
xMutant Geniusx (2:42:40 PM): did you read rob's last reply... sounds like dude is living vicariously through you or something
xMutant Geniusx (2:42:53 PM): and he hasn't been getting his fix
jailybrokenstein (3:02:26 PM): sorry, had to run real quick
jailybrokenstein (3:02:33 PM): reply to what?
xMutant Geniusx (3:02:35 PM): no prob
xMutant Geniusx (3:02:47 PM): your last entry on your blog
jailybrokenstein (3:03:27 PM): wow
jailybrokenstein (3:03:32 PM): i just saw that
jailybrokenstein (3:06:11 PM): a bit testy, isn't he?
xMutant Geniusx (3:06:52 PM): yeah just a lil
xMutant Geniusx (3:07:06 PM): maybe he hasn't been getting enough bran in his diet
xMutant Geniusx (3:07:31 PM): and he's all bound up

especially when Rob uses the phrase 'give us a frenzied gut-check'.

But for the rest of you, the dog is doing great.

I'm about three seconds away from throwing his liquid shitting ass out a window,

but i love him all the same.

2005-01-09T07:23:00.000-05:00

I'd like you to say hello to my new best friend.

It took me a while to name him.

I mean, the possibilites are endless.
And most of those are lame.

Cat. Sparky. Hooch(Turner). Dog. Sodak. XBOX. Chaos. Deathbringer. Kitten. PBR.

All of the above were suggested. And considering that this pic was taken form the Sioux Falls Humane Society's website, and they regularly have inmates working there as 'volunteers', (who wear 'oranges' as pictured right) i actually contemplated naming him "jaily"

On Dec. 31st, someone decided it just wasn't worth having a litter of ten new puppies. I can kind of understand. Actually i really can understand.

What a handful.

So they drop them off at the night box. Three days later they go off quarantine, and become availible for adoption.

Three days later i wander in and see this guy.

Half black lab, half siberian husky. 5 weeks old and already about 7 lbs.

His name is Gitchee.

First thing i ever did up here.
First dog i've ever owned.

Seemed fitting.

(and i think Cole would approve.)

2005-01-06T16:50:00.000-05:00

can someone explain to me how i got a hit form here?

thanks.

2005-01-06T16:33:00.000-05:00

So maybe this time i will be able to keep a consistent blog habit.

Maybe.

We moved in early on the first. Big house. Six bedroom, two bath, on 1.66 acres of land. I have an unfinished studiomattached to the garage, seperate from the house. We even have a pond in the yard, though it is dried up and filled with misc. construction debris.

Ahh, the country life.

The day after we moved in, it snowed, and that finally stopped less than 12 hours ago. They say we got 16inches. This is the most snow i've seen (aside from man-made) in my entire life.
I have to admit it is beautiful, but it's snow and therefore a pain in the ass to do anything but wrap yourself up in as much clothing as possible and wait it out. I've never been one much for outdoor activities, and find myself ill prepared for these types.

I imagine myself attempting to snow board and just start laughing. That would be some funny shit.

Living with five others is interesting as well. it's the most folks i've ever lived with, so i guess this winter is about pusihing the personal record as well as a constant excercise in patience and adjustment.

And we could all use a bit of that i suppose.

But it doesn't stop me from being Bossy the Cow.

And for those of you who are worried, there is no way i'm driving in this shit. I've almost been put into numerous ditches, trees, animals, embankements, and, of course, other vehicles.

Ah, i almost forgot, i have a new job at Chevy's as a bartender. That used to be the old 'Rio Bravo', until they changed their name, possibly in light of the fact that Chevy Chase bought them out, but i need a fact checker for that.

Guess how much i enjoy this job.

2005-01-05T22:51:00.000-05:00

Well.

Shit. Finally made it into the new house.

Finally have the internet hooked and ready to go.
And if we weren't retards we could figure the magic trick to getting cat5's to work properly(build them that is...)

Six of us packed into a house in the suburb of the middle of nowhere.
I have much to say, but in the meantime visit-

http://sodakia.blogspot.com

2004-12-28T07:36:00.000-05:00

11 years ago, as of yesterday...

Christmas went as well as to be expected.

I hung out with some Catholics who were kind enough to feed Pettigrew and i, both being family-less for the holidays. The Catholics holed up in the local Church-driven highschool (guess they had the right connections to take over the place and host their 'little' gathering), and spoke, ate and acted as mid-west as you could imagine...

Right.

Catholic families are anything but 'little'.

See, it's John's deal. His family, his invite. John is one of the new roomies. He's into sports and such. Not that he's rapist jock, but more of how he was raised.

Being such, an uncle of his approached us, and commented about how interested he was to meet John's future roommates, because he heard they were 'arty types'.

"Arty", i guess, can be translated into 'doesn't make it a point to watch Monday Night Football', or play Madden incessantly .

After sneaking off to the back parking lot to smoke cigarettes in the wonderful ten degrees of temperature we were given that day, Pettigrew and I headed to the theatres to spend the rest of our day. Aside from the truck stop, nothing in this town was open.

Man, how i took the convienece of Waffle House for granted...

We saw 'Life Aquatic', and then snuck into 'Ocean's 12"

It only seemed appropriate...

So. I later spent my evening in the Flyin' J truckstop diner.

And i didn't get my white Christmas that i was positive i would get this year. Of all the places to not get any snow yet, it's fucking SoDak.

I just don't understand this at all.

And then this evening i ran into some friends.
They had asked me how my holiday went.
I replied, saying "Oh, i just went to the movies and shit..."
The drunk guy in the booth behind us could've sworn i said "that guy back there is a piece of shit.", meaning him, of course.

He then proceeded to try and fight me.

He then had to spend the night in jail because someone called the cops on him.

All because of his guilty conscience.

2004-12-23T14:57:00.000-05:00

It has been decided.

For Christmas this year, everyone i know is getting restraining orders.

-Jaily

2004-12-16T21:18:00.000-05:00

I was told today, while drinking a cup of coffee at the local diner, that i was the reason the government, back in 1973, fucked over the Vietnam Vets.

See, this guy was using a cane.
It was because his back hurt.
He said he injured his back, during boot camp, in 1973, and the government wouldn't pay him benefits for the injury.

They said there wasn't enough proof to justify the claim.

And since i just had my hair cut earlier that day, and the hair cutter person sucked and gave me this pseudo military look...

I must work for the government then.

And, of course, it's all my fault.

New Years is coming. I aim to be amongst the classier of the local citizens and intoxicated beyond belief, which probably means i'll be bored off my ass and playing Halo 2 all night.

But what i wonder, is if that guy hurt himself during boot camp, how the fuck does that make him a vet?

I basically have as much 'war' experience as he does, minus the boot camp.

But i've ran for miles, learned to march.. stood at parade rest for hours on end.
ah, lovely ROTC...

I even did 100 hundred push-up for a highway patrolmen in S.Carolina to get out of a speeding ticket.

SO next time i see that guy at the diner, i'm going to interrupt his delicious cup of coffee and order a side of macho...

and then we'll see who fucks over who.

JAILY BROKENSTEIN
VS.
THE HANDICAPPED VIETNAM VET
-2005-

2004-12-14T06:25:00.000-05:00

All my lame ass posts recently have been about this stupid fucking state, in this stupid fucking city, with all it's stupid fucking weather.

Pretty fucking stupid of me.

I did, after all, move here.

Willingly.

I was even excited about it, for a time.

I get asked all the time (since most of my encounters are for the first time) why i came here, to the sticks.

Why did i?

Did i run from a girl? I guess a little bit.
Did i run from problems? No asshole, that's impossible. More over, you're an ass for implying that i would be so ridiculous as to think so.
Did i need a change? Don't we all? Yes, and yes.
Was i sick of the south, and all the people in it? Aren't we all? Yes, and yes again.
Did i actually run at all?

No.

A couple of weeks and we have Christmas. I only know of ONE person who is excited for it, but i gather he is excited about most holidays? I'm curious; Will he re-vamp his site for Easter?

And already the music is on every PA in every store. Customers are annoyed, yet the businesses still crank the shit out like it's BooBah (sp?).

I have some spare time, well, alone time tonight, so i'm goine to be wordy and sporadic.

Deal.

I'm excited for the new place. Very very happy about it. It'll be interesting to live off a gravel road again, interesting to live next to horses, and everytime i head out to the big po'dunk city, i get a lovely view of a corn field, which looks amazing at sunset, oddly enough.

I have so much movie video shit for you guys.. last night i shot footage of a local 'jam' band, The Lunar Funk Theory', (again, not my kind of style), but they were nice enough, not very active on stage, but they work hard, do a lot of acid, and in some ways you can tell by the way the acoustic guitarist has to be dragged back on stage after lighting a cigarette and spending way to much time reflecting on what he thought about that.

But, don't we all?

No, not at all... Just you buddy.

So i got the usual song and dance... "Oh, yeah, we'll tell all our friends about it, see if they would be interested in having you shoot for them...", and "Yeah, we can get together some money for you..."

I'll never hear about it again.

Artists get all optimistic when you point a camera in front of them.

Cameras equal fame, i guess, to some degree.

it means your doing something the lens deems worthwhile, and the memory is saved, somewhere, gathering dust on some shut-in's shelf.

But one day, just one day it'll happen... If only the world could see it.

Worked for Bill and Ted. Why not Lunar Funk Theory? Or HedTripDrama?

Why not for me?

Oh, 'cause i'm not in a band. I don't play the guitar, and i don't skate, which pretty much means i am not attractive to females.

All i got going for me is the initial 'mystery'.

In my opinion that is not only stupid, but isn't everyone initially 'mysterious' when you first meet them? Yeah, some people wear their personalities for all to see. But even still, i've never met a person i could entirely read right away.

So, to all the women who have ever called me 'mysterious', stop being the drunk at the suburb bar, and come up with a new line.

Tell me you really dig balding guys.
Tell me you just can't get enough of my ribcage, which sticks out further than my gut.
Tell me you're into financial disasters, and people who get thrown in jail over the most preposterous crimes.

-Jaily Brokenstein

I will steal your pet.

2004-12-12T07:02:00.000-05:00

had a few minutes....
put this here posting up. Snow came, and then it went. I am told it was a "frost", but fuck that. Everything was white, and i was cold, and i mss the south if for no other reason than it's a hell of a lot warmer there.

but i think i am getting acclimated. It jumped up to a whopping 46 degrees, and i said to myself, "i don't need a jacket, it's warm outside."

I ACTUALLY WANTED TO GO OUTSIDE FOR A SMOKE, AND DIDN'T FEAR IT.

(i actually hit 'caps-lock' by mistake, and don't really feel like re-typing the above line...)

I am bored, and looking for employment.

Someone needs to move to this place, open a decent bar, and employ me.

2004-12-09T04:57:00.000-05:00

it's already happened.

not only am i losing readers, but links to this page altogether.

I promise to be back up and running by new years.

See, i finally found a place to live. A big ole house in the country, even further from civilization than i first thought when coming to this cold ass sate to begin with.

And it still hasn't snowed here yet. It's like god fucking with me, well, god and the weather man who keeps telling me it's going to snow, and then it doesn't, and i got scared for nothing.

I have also created a house blog for me mates, but the contributors are also in a likewise posistion of not having constant internetsuperinformationhighway abilitiy.

So i ask, all of you, to be patient, not drop me, and when the time comes, completely harrass every single one of my future roomates until they cry.

In other shit to relate, i've had yet another 'first' in my life.

I was smacked in the face for not wanting to make-out with my now ex-girlfriend. I , of course, was shocked, and she said she didn't mean to, but honestly, how do you not 'mean to' swing your open faced hand across someone face? (reminds me of the Dave Chapelle joke, which was amongst the forefront of my thoughts as it had happened).

But i love that. I've been smacked for trying to get some lovin' on, but never for turning it down.
I'll bring more writing love soon,
hugs and kisses and the theft of your kittens,
Jaily Brokenstein

2004-12-01T16:59:00.000-05:00

in the middle of trying to rent a six bedroom house in the kuntry.

one thing about me is that i am he world champ of starting over at phase one.

more later.

2004-11-28T10:56:00.000-05:00

i like how everyone thinks i'm in jail.

There is a story here, albeit not very interesting.

2004-11-04T03:20:00.000-05:00

Yeah, i'm a lame blogger.

hardly any posts. What's wrong here?

Election day, a disaster. But seriously, are you suprised? I bet Daschle is. His 26 year reign is over.
And here in the sticks, that means more than the 'W'.

"Unbearable" is being posted later on tonight.

So, come back to watch and enjoy.

2004-10-30T21:22:00.000-04:00

Finally.

M@, a life-saver. Not that round kind that comes in sweet cherry flavor (well, maybe), or the styrofoam kind that you throw at drowning victims.

But as a host, a generous host, of information storage.
_____________________________________________________________________

I've looked all over the internet for the actual 'tale/story' of "Gitchee Manitou". It's a campsite just across the border of S.D., into Iowegian Land. And apparently, back in the 1970's, someone went beserk and killed some campsite folks.

And, i can't find shit.

However, when my friends and i get in a mini-van, we found it just fine. In fact we shot a bit of footage out there.

And below is a link to just a taste of what we saw, perfect for those of you, like myself, who are losers and have no parties to attend this Halloween weekend.

So, enjoy. I'll have the full version for you soon.
And make sure to tell me what you think.
You are, after all, my audience.

-Jaily Brokenstein

Gitchee Manitou

2004-10-29T08:06:00.000-04:00

I know i'm going to die soon. Die of hypothermia, with frostbite so bad, they'll say at my funeral, "That idiot must've been from the south... Probably Georgia."

Yesterday was a nice, crisp, air conditioned 70degrees.

I was saying, "See, it's not going to snow soon. You guys are full of shit."

And then they said, "Yeah, it always goes like this. We get one final 'heat'-wave, and then BAM, you're fucked, it's tundra."

And then i cried, because i'm a baby about the cold.

I've never lived in a place that has a law that you keep an emergency blanket and rations in your vehicle, you know, in case of getting stuck, then snowed over, or by some chance, an unprovoked attack by yeti.
____________________________________________________________________

I saw 'i heart huckabee's", and i left with this strange opinion of it.
It was amazing. It had so much amazing in it, in fact, that i find it odd my first impression, as i was leaving the theatre, was 'Why do i feel cheated?' I felt like someone having a good time at a party, with everything going well, and then for some reason kicked out in a half-ass'ed manner.

I need to see it again.

2004-10-28T11:53:00.000-04:00

busybusybusy

sitting in front of computer i hardly know how to use (which means the last thing i want to do is sit in front of another computer and blog)

using software that it's own creators don't know the full potential of

creating a masterpiece of a video, but it's content is high-school prankish quality

trying to get in and out of the univ. lab before the actual professor shows up and has me arrested for trespassing.

see, i figured out how to break in...

i wish i had "ftp" space so i can share with you all.

That is not a hint. Someone share please. M@, it's a long story, but i can no longer access the space you so generously provided way back when.

The first i have to offer is a little preview for my Blair Witch rip spoof whatever.

The second is... The Bear Movie, unfortunately titled "Unbearable" , since that was the first, and worst, suggested title, and since i've shown it around so much lately (DVD) i find it hard to watch.

And now that i feel like i've got a loose handle on FCP4, it's time for some more.

And now that i've nothing currently to work on, i have time for you, my handful of semi-adoring fans.

right...

2004-10-20T19:26:00.000-04:00

Elizabeth Darko: I'm voting for Dukakis.

Eddie Darko: Hmm, well. Maybe when you have children of your own and they need braces, and you can't afford them because half of your husbands pay check goes to the federal government, you will regret that decision...

Elizabeth Darko: My husbands pay check? Anyway, I'm not going to squeeze one out till I'm, like, 30.

Donnie Darko: Will you still be working at the Yarn Barn? Because I hear that's a really great place to raise children.

Elizabeth Darko: That's really funny

Rose Darko: No, I think a year of partying is enough. She'll be going to Harvard next fall.

Elizabeth Darko: Mom, I haven't even gotten in yet.

Rose Darko: Do you honestly think Michael Dukakis will provide for this country till you’re ready to squeeze one out?

Elizabeth Darko: Yeah, I do.

Samantha Darko: When can I squeeze one out?

Donnie Darko: Not until 8^th grade.

___________________________________________________________________
I've been at this Bear Movie project for close to two weeks now. The fact that i've never used FinalCutPro before makes it drag. Seeing as i have to use the USF(Univ. Sioux Falls) facilities makes the process even slower.

And having to get off the computer because actual students have actual projects is just annoying.

But i finally have the rough edit down. I have to cut the external audio, then fix a few frames, and then...

Well, i put it on here for you all to either enjoy or mock me.

So, i may have a new job.

It's working the phones again, but this time taking catalouge orders.

____________________________________________________________________
"She said that she had put a lot of thought into it and that she thought that the hurricanes in Florida were God's way of punishing man for being so sinful.

...I asked her if she thought that the dead kids, displaced families, people with no homes/money/food/shelter were also part of God's plan. Also, what about the people in other states that were affected. Was God pee peeing on them too, or was he really just aiming for Florida and things got a little out of control?

She told me that she absolutely did think that and also that if "innocent people died it was part of permissible sin and that it was okay that those people died cause God was trying to make a point and sometimes when God is trying to show people something people get hurt or die but it's part of his plan and that those people automatically are lifted into heaven, so it's okay that they died."

She also thinks that because of the amount of gays that live in Florida and also the Terri Schiavo case that God stomped on Florida.

I asked her if she was a militant Islamic.

She got all wadded up and was oh sooooooo offended that I would "say that to her".

-Butterflyteeth

____________________________________________________________________
New on the blogroll:

A Darling BloodyViolentRevolution

Lee M Gillette

2004-10-19T07:54:00.000-04:00

Hollywood Grill, CHICAGO, IL:

A little over a month ago, maybe longer, Rob tells me that he has a wedding gig to do in Chicago.

I suggest that we should try and get together then, seeing as Chicago isn't that far away for me to drive.

We decided that we would see if we could arrange something closer to the time, rather than making plans that would fall through.

Last week he tells me, reminds me i should say, that he is going out there for one day, Sunday, and leaving the very next morning.

I again suggest that we get together. He says not to bother, that he wouldn't have time, etc.

Two days ago he says, sure, why not.

So, since i have no car to make it out there, I ask Tara if she would be interested in a quick(ish) roadtrip.

"Where?", she asks.

"Chicago. Rob is out there shooting a wedding, and i'd like to see him."

"Okay. How long are we going to visit for?"

"i don't know, maybe a couple of hours..."

"That's it?"

"Yeah."

"Well, when would you want to go?"

"Oh, in a few hours..."

Leave it to me to make things last minute...
So we get in the car, and after mapping out the route via MapQuest, the trip should take around 8 hours, each way. It goes, SD, through Minnesota, through Wisconsin, to Illinois, and somewhere in that state is our destination.

Man, what a long fucking drive.

We get there around one in the morning and meet up with Rob and Ben. None of us have been to Chicago before. We all came to the conclusion that we had been to O'Hare, but that was that. So we had no idea where the fuck to go. But we had a car, and after asking a couple locals where to get something to eat 24hrs we end up at the Hollywood Grill, for a couple of hours, then dropped Rob and Ben off at their hotel, where Tara and I promptly turned around and headed home.

I'll spare the details of all of us hanging around drinking coffee and eating over-price, sub-par food. But Rob paid. That was nice of him.

My opinion of Chicago:

In the couple of hours i was there i decided i would like to back and actually spend some time there. I've heard great things about the place, and from what i saw, would have to come to the conclusion that those opinions have some weight.

If the trip out there hadn't cost so much in gas and whatnot, we probably would've grabbed a hotel room.

The 'whatnot', and my only beef with Chicago, is the crazy amount of fucking tolls you have to pay to get around on the freeways. And not just passing through tolls.

Some tolls just for getting off the exit.

And inconsistent prices.

Some were 50 cents, some 40. The exit tolls ones we found were 15 cents. We discovered this in an attempt to put gas in the car that wasn't $2.30 a gallon intown.

So. If you were my friend I'd drive 16+ hours just to get some coffee and talk shit with you.

I'm just that kind of guy.

2004-10-14T11:05:00.000-04:00

This little piece of information was passed to me, and now to you.

When applying for a job, one of the questions on TARGET's personality evaluation is:

What percentage of politicians do you think are honest?

I can see that being a 'make-or-break' point in whether or not you're hired.

That matters when dealing with the general public and their desire for discount wares.

2004-10-13T06:48:00.000-04:00

________________________________________________________________
Two posts in two days?
Man... stop raising the bar!
The Unsomnambulist | Email | Homepage | 10.12.04 - 2:36 pm | #
________________________________________________________________

Well, how about three posts three days in a row?

If i were ever asked why i don't have any posts relating to politics, i would answer like so:

1: Any candidate is an evil sonofabitch. They are, afterall, politcians.

Bush is evil, yes, and has proved it time and time again. Even Michael Moore helped drive that point home even though for some the feeling was already strong.

And if Kerry gets in, then he will prove just as bad, but in different ways. He'l'l turncoat something and everyone will be up in arms and blah blah blah.

2: The politic game is a never ending cycle of bitch-fest.

Both sides, ALL sides in fact, have valid points. Some of their agenda would improve the quality of our life, but they also have ideas that would lead us further down the path of fuck-uped-ness.

So choose what you feel is the lesser of two evils and run with that. I have my own ideas involving a deserted island with a population that begins with the fruits of children purchased off the black market.

And then it's off to Mars for colonization.

Don't trouble yourselves over the details. Just ride it out til then.

And then you don't have to worry about shit anymore.

But in the meantime i give you

Gunther

The four main things in Gunthers life are Champagne, Glamour, Sex and Respect!

Pleasureman Gunther is set to have the biggest smash-hit of the summer with his fantastic debut single 'Ding Dong Song'. Gunther is a 29 years old gentleman style 2000 in his best years. Gunther is from Sweden but he feels like a European. Gunther has always been in the entertainment industry and now he feels it is time to change the attitude of the world to do something better. Gunther wants to change the worlds look at the sexual way of thinking, so he have started a new trend to sexualise it more in the world. "A Gunther trend".
He has only started his mission to go out in the world and spread the message of Love.

And after you're done with that, help Gunther out with his champagne bottle

2004-10-12T08:29:00.000-04:00

Oh, i bet Rob was laughing his ass off when he made this flattering picture.

And i have to admit i was doing the same when i saw it.

See? I told you guys. Scary.

But i'm very excited lately. An old friend found me the other day. She was just sitting around with her sister, i came up, and she decided to do a google search on me, and, well, being a bloggernerd paid off.

We used to work at this awful South West joint called 'On The Border'.

Why is every new concept chain Tex-Mex or something like it?

They sold Buffalo meat fajitas and i thought that was fucking odd, and they tasted gamey, and i was fired for apparently telling some girl we worked with that she was a fucking moron and should know how to do her job considering she was a waitress and that is about as simple of a job as being a gorilla in the zoo. (i.e. put shit in hand and send it to someone...)

I was fired for saying that in front of customers.

Whoops.

Believe it or not there was once a time i kept a job for two whole years. (amazing, i know) Sorry, but when you're describing career loyalty to a restaurant, you're a fool. Those jobs are, or at least were, a dime a dozen. But that was back when Atlanta had jobs to offer, and i was 16-20, and apathy dominated my logic. Later on, being present time, when i needed the work, my tattoos just stood in the way, and the economy simply had no room for a Jaily...

But i'm glad she decided to write me, and i hope she continues to do so.

It's good to hear a voice from the past, especially someone like her. She's awesome and we had some fun together.

And she thought it was really funny to make me eat raw plantains, because my stupid white american ass thought it was a banana.

2004-10-11T08:30:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting here doing this photo and it dawns on me that i am from a long line of witches.

all i need is a wart on my nose, green skin, and a ratty pointed hat.

for halloween i was always "Steve, from 'Night of Darkness'...", meaning, i wore whatever i had been earlier that day, and when asked my costume, well...

and no one was ever the wiser.

except for the greek. he supplied the cowboy hat for the first one afterall.

Last night i did all the pick-up shots for the BEAR flick. I had been editing what i had earlier this week and came to the quick conclusion that when shooting in a place where you're bound to be booted, a lot of shots get dropped from the list.

This was of course rectified.

I put a fat man on a dolly/cart, gave him a Canon XL1 and pushed his ass around a grocery store, listening to him giggle with glee because the cold air was rushing up the hole in the crotch of his jeans.

Let that stay with you a while.

But he got some great shots, and i can now compete for Mr. Olympia...

or the wicked witch of the mid-west.

I'll keep you updated, but in the meantime:

The Unsomnambulist, along with Prof. Tony, teach us "how to vote".

Jean Pierre-Jeunet has a new one: "Un long dimanche de fiancailles" (aka 'A Very Long Engagement')

It's due out Nov. 26th, and i am going to kill someone if it doesn't open here.
Which it won't.
Which means i need bail money.

2004-10-09T23:45:00.000-04:00

Because, just like TONY said, it's Saturday, and why the hell not?

For those of you not interested in a list of 200, beneath this post is a link to BUNNY's new photoessay, so pictures will do where words will not.

Enjoy.

BOLD i have done.

01. Bought everyone in the pub a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula.
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said 'I love you' and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Done a striptease
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Touched an iceberg
20. Slept under the stars
21. Changed a baby's diaper
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
23. Watched a meteor shower
24. Gotten drunk on champagne
25. Given more than you can afford to charity
26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
28. Had a food fight
29. Bet on a winning horse (even if it was only $1)
30. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
31. Asked out a stranger
32. Had a snowball fight
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
35. Held a lamb
36. Enacted a favorite fantasy
37. Taken a midnight skinny dip
38. Taken an ice cold bath
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar.
40. Seen a total eclipse. (Through one of those fourth grade cardboard "save your eyes" thingies...)
41. Ridden a roller coaster
42. Hit a home run
43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
48. Had two hard drives for your computer
49. Visited all 50 states
50. Loved your job for all accounts
51. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied (maybe now?)
53. Had amazing friends
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
55. Watched wild whales
56. Stolen a sign
57. Backpacked in Europe
58. Taken a road-trip
59. Rock climbing
60. Lied to foreign government's official in that country to avoid notice
61. Midnight walk on the beach
62. Sky diving
63. Visited Ireland
64. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
65. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
66. Visited Japan
67. Benchpressed your own weight
68. Milked a cow
69. Alphabetized your records (and CD's and tapes and and and...)
70. Pretended to be a superhero
71. Sung karaoke
72. Lounged around in bed all day
73. Posed nude in front of strangers
74. Scuba diving
75. Got it on to "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye
76. Kissed in the rain
77. Played in the mud
78. Played in the rain
79. Gone to a drive-in theater
80. Done something you should regret, but don't regret it.
81. Visited the Great Wall of China
82. Discovered that someone who's not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog
83. Dropped Windows in favor of something better
84. Started a business
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
86. Toured ancient sites
87. Taken a martial arts class
88. Swordfought for the honor of a woman
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
90. Gotten married
91. Been in a movie
92. Crashed a party
93. Loved someone you shouldn't have
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy
95. Gotten divorced
96. Had sex at the office
97. Gone without food for 5 days
98. Made cookies from scratch
99. Won first prize in a costume contest
100. Ridden a gondola in Venice
101. Gotten a tattoo
102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on
103. Rafted the Snake River
104. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
105. Got flowers for no reason
106. Masturbated in a public place
107. Got so drunk you don't remember anything
108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug
109. Performed on stage
110. Been to Las Vegas
111. Recorded music
112. Eaten shark
113. Had a one-night stand
114. Gone to Thailand
115. Seen Siouxsie live
116. Bought a house
117. Been in a combat zone
118. Buried one/both of your parents
119. Shaved or waxed your pubic hair off
120. Been on a cruise ship
121. Spoken more than one language fluently
122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
123. Bounced a check (I didn't mean to! But alas, more than once...)
124. Performed in Rocky Horror
125. Read - and understood - your credit report
126. Raised children
127. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy
128. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
129. Created and named your own constellation of stars
130. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
132. Called or written your Congress person
133. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over to be with the one you love
134. ...more than once? - More than thrice?
135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
137. Had an abortion or your female partner did
138. Had plastic surgery
139. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived.
140. Wrote articles for a large publication
141. Lost over 100 pounds
142. Held someone while they were having a flashback
143. Piloted an airplane
144. Petted a stingray
145. Broken someone's heart
146. Helped an animal give birth
147. Been fired or laid off from a job
148. Won money on a T.V. game show
149. Broken a bone
150. Killed a human being
151. Gone on an African photo safari
152. Ridden a motorcycle
153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100mph
154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
155. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
157. Ridden a horse
158. Had major surgery
159. Had sex on a moving train
160. Had a snake as a pet
161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
164. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
165. Visited all 7 continents
166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
167. Eaten kangaroo meat
168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground
169. Been a sperm or egg donor
170. Eaten sushi
171. Had your picture in the newspaper
172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime.
173. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
174. Gotten someone fired for their actions
175. Gone back to school
176. Parasailed
177. Changed your name
178. Petted a cockroach
179. Eaten fried green tomatoes
180. Read The Iliad
181. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read.
182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them
183. ...and gotten 86'ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
184. Taught yourself an art from scratch
185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
187. Skipped all your school reunions
188. Had sex with someone half your age or twice your age.
189. Been elected to public office
190. Written your own computer language
191. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
193. Built your own PC from parts
194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
195. Had a booth at a street fair
196. Dyed your hair
197. Been a DJ
198. Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal
199. Written your own role playing game
200. Been arrested

I like that #200.

2004-10-09T23:03:00.000-04:00

only vain, egotistical, exhibitionist assholes take pictues
of themselves for the internet.

click up there.

2004-10-04T21:30:00.000-04:00

Just to let you know, there is, i should say WAS, a ladybug on my F2 key, but Tara killed it just as i began typing this.

I would say my apartment is infested with them, but this is the only one i have seen, so to say so would be a lie.

Here are some other lies to spout:

1: "SKY CAPTAIN and the WORLD OF PLOT HOLE AFTER PLOT HOLE" was a good movie.

2: It is a warm sunny day in Sodakia.

3: The 'Patriot Act' is a good idea.

4: I know what i'm doing with myself.

5: My probation in GA is over and done with.

6: I eat dinner in fancy restaurants every single night.

7: I direct pornographic films under a pseudonym. Send $35.95 to the following address and i'll send you a copy of the latest installment i have to offer.

8: I still have a job at Household and-

i'm so mad about it that i took it out on this baby.

I just couldn't do it anymore.

I couldn't keep my mouth shut about the ridiculous, horrorshow tactics of the international mega-corp i worked for.

Example.
I was written up one time for saying "Alright" after i was told to 'eat shit and die motherfucker...'

I was scolded for repeatedly forgetting to verify the cardmember as "Jr." if applicable. It's hard enough trying to get the fucker on the phone in the first place without verifying who he is three times over

Or the time i accidentally told someone's wife it wasn't her we wanted to bother, but her husband.

i don't know, it just came out.

Or the way we stick it to the elderly with fees just shy of actual predatory lending.

exactly how is someone supposed to pay off a overbalance of $1,000 when their income is just over $500 a month and the minimum they can pay is close to $30 and we tack on $58 or so in fees every month?

I mean, how in good conscience am i supposed to do all that if i, if i....

i couldn't manage to get to work on time?

I still haven't managed to get my car out of the impound, and at this point it's really not worth getting it out, but since it's not technically mine, and the only way to make it mine is to take it back to GA and have it inspected for street legality, i had better get it out.

that means more crime on the way.

or just pay the fees.

On the bright side i did manage to have a policeman on the phone the other day, not too long after i was arrested, and when he asked if he could have some of these fees waved, i went into a little harsh lesson of karma where i told him what just happened to me concerning the law, and no rules were bent for me, "so yeah, i spent time out of the world, you can pay some fees for your irresponsibility..."

I wish i could have followed that up by adding "you should think about that the next time you push someone back underwater when they're trying to get some air, cocksucker..."

But to compare the two just seemed like petty revenge, and besides, i was still under the ever-watchful eye of "quality control".

It was nice to be on the other side of the "you should've thought of that before, now shouldn't you?" talking to for once.

ON THE BRIGHTER SIDE i am having business cards made this week, and with my recently found connections have more than enough to go into business doing wedding videos. ALSO, i have a few leads in some bartending work ( just one of the things i think i was built to do) so that should tide me over until my reign of global domination begins.

Oh, and Rob is weird.

2004-09-29T22:22:00.000-04:00

I don't really like my job all that much. There are aspects of it, however, that i really do enjoy. The pay could be better, and if i could record some of the calls i take, well, that would make it even more worth the headache.

You have to understand that i attempt to call over a thousand people a day (usually around 1,100-1,200) and actually make contact with about 50 of them.

Certain 'gems' tend to get lost and blogging them never quite have the same effect as actually being a part of the call itself.

But sometimes you get calls that just stick out no matter how long ago they were.

The following is one of those calls i had this past Saturday morning around 11am between MYSELF and a certain female CARDHOLDER.

hello?

yes, hello?

is this Sandra?

yes. speaking.

hi. this is shaun with household cred-

oh i'm so glad you called.

you are? most people run and scream and call me obscenities.

no, i wouldn't do that.

well listen Sandra i'm calling about your-

yeah, i wanted to talk to you about that. I had a really bad night last night.

oh yeah, what happened?

well first of all i woke up in the middle of the night, around 3:30 or so, with a really bad case of diarrhea., i mean a REALLY bad case, so then i tried to get back to sleep, but then it happened AGAIN around six and now i haven't been able to get back to sleep and i have really bad stomach cramps.

_____________________________________________________________

Okay. A couple things you have to understand before i continue with this:

1: She is from NY, and has a thick accent.

2: She sounds young and possibly sexy despite what she is telling me.

3: I am supposed to listen to and acknowledge the problems of the accounts/cardholders i work.

4: My employers wish me to keep control of the conversations and yet not interrupt to prevent hang-ups.

5: This sounds like i'm being fucked with.
_____________________________________________________________

sounds like maybe you should go to the hospital?

do you think? I mean, i don't know, you think it had something to do with the eyedrops?

what, did someone pull the 'visine in your coffee' trick on you?

(laughs) no i mean the prescription they gave me. i think i have it somewhere around here.

i don't know anything about that.

well you should, you're the one who told me to get it.

no. i didn't tell you to get anything ma'am.

who is this?

Shaun, from household, calling about your credit card.

You MOTHERFUCKER. oh god-dammit, you piece of shit cocksucker motherfucker!
*click*

And that is a but a taste of some of the shit i have to deal with.

I live for those type of calls.

2004-09-26T08:52:00.000-04:00

Every script or video i've ever worked on / created/ tryed to create has always had some shitty "working title" attached to it.

Well, almost everone...

For "Circu" it was "The Clown Movie".

Before that the script was "The guy who teleports anytime he gets wet movie".

My trailer trash girl script were the the actress goes from bad to worse is called, "The White Trash movie".

WAAAAAAAy before that, when Rob and i had even less of a clue as to what we were doing, we had "The Chase movie, PTS. 1,2,3,&4".

And now, after a quick shoot on a Saturday night with nothing better to do, i can soon bring you;

THE BEAR MOVIE

That's right, i'll have a little treat for you by next week.

With the "GAY WRESTLER WHO SEEKS REVENGE UPON THE FORCES OF ROCK"(or "Flamboyo") movie put on hold until OCT 8th, i had to do something in the meantime.

What better to do then grab some cameras, some friends, a bear outfit, and tolerate being thrown out of a Wal-Mart & two Hy-Vee's?

So we did, and it was awesome.

I'm sick and feel like shit. My lungs want to kill me. I think i have a fever but can't be bothered to get a thermometer to find out.

I think the cast and crew of "Flamboyo" will be great. Just working with a few of them last night gives me a good impression that some talent actually exists in this town aside from what was already injected.

27 cast and crew and counting already. Shoot date/begin deadline of OCT. 8th. No script, an improv/ Christopher Guest style mockumentary/rip and i'll be flying through.

And then i'll bring it all to you.

Because something in you is curious about it.

Oh. It's going to be awesome.

Just wait.

And if any of you has an idea for a "bear movie" title, put it in the comments.

Best suggestion names it.

OH BOY!

2004-09-23T01:02:00.000-04:00

i think i may head on out of the Sodak soon.

maybe around January or so.

any suggestions?

2004-09-20T02:58:00.000-04:00

On Thursday i wrote that i should probably just get drunk, but instead i opted to blog and yeah... Before that I had given the site a facelift. Those who noticed commented saying they approved, others stating that i had given the blog a new, "more wanted by the FBI look..."

For example:

like the new look.
a better, more FBI wanted look.
.
rob | Email | 09.14.04 - 1:42 pm | #

Like the new look at the top, but haven't you already been visited by the FBI once you looking for a round two?
kurdt | 09.14.04 - 6:09 pm | #

This is funny.

Here is why.

Friday was my only day off. I had spent the night (Thursday night) with Tara. Since we had been seeing each other for about two weeks straight non-stop we were getting sick of each other. She decided to be the first to speak up, and although we had plans to run some errands for the new piece i'm working on, decided to leave me high and dry and ditch me.

So, after dropping me off at my car i remembered that i had left some shit at her place ( mostly laundry) and immediately went back over to her apartment to pick it up. It took all of five minutes. On the way out i was passed by a cop.

The cop pulled me over for my bum tag.

The same cop ran my ID.

That same very cop then arrested me.

Fuck yeah. Twice in a year now.

The charges are a little different this time however.

Did you know that in the State of South Dakota it is illegal, but not something to be arrested for, to drive with a suspended license? But it is if you are caught in possession of the license itself.

Well shit.

So there i am in the Sioux Falls jail.

Not really a lot to mention about the place itself, except for the fact that they give you black and white stripes to wear instead of the 'oranges'. And sadly, no, they didn't provide the little hats...

I was in for a total of 4 hours. I made bail only because Fran, my new friend and Fry'n Pan waitress had given me her number so we could hang out sometime.

A big mistake on her part.

She came to my rescue, a guy she hardly knew, putting up the $225 to get me out.

Say what you will about the midwest, but the people here are fucking nice. That would've never happened in Atlanta.

But yeah, it boils down to the fact that i got arrested and my regular waitress bailed me out of the pokey.

And while i was in there a short little indian man (feather, not dot) gave me a request on a piece of paper to help him out. I'll provide the translation:

TRANSLATION:

707 N. Prairie, up stairs...
ask for Mayda Dupree
tell her to call Amy, my probation officer,
and come and get me out. all i need is 75 dollars.

i feel guilty about it, but i never went. Just seemed really skecthy...

So i decided to sport the gift from Kyle/MegaMan in hopes to thwart the police in any further attempts they might have to act Johnny Law and nab the most harmless criminal on the planet, being me,

with love and kisses and the theft of your kittens,

-Jaily Brokenstein

2004-09-16T23:06:00.000-04:00

I'm 27 years old.

And not once in my entire life have I ever said to myself, "just get so drunk tonight you pass out..."

Until tonight that is. So i blog instead.

This being Thurs. night(my friday leading into my weekend off), i find myself with a serious case of homesick blues. Today at work i joked about the benefits of going to gay bars if you were short of cash because it was a pretty reliable source of free alcohol, as well as an interesting assortment of stories to tell later on the next day.

And so what if your ass was grabbed a few times. Consider it a complement. Get me drunk enough and i may do the same to you.

The people around me looked at me like i was out of my fucking mind.

Like i had taken it TOO far, and that shit just wasn't funny.

I wanted to blow them up with my SPACEBALLStm flamethrower, but i didn't have one handy.

Sigh.

2004-09-14T04:24:00.000-04:00

so yeah...

i'm seeing this girl. if you remember she was #3 on a post i had earlier, the one where she could talk shop but had a ;i'm going girl' crush' on an ass with long hair, worse taste, and fuck-all.

Guess the mysterious reading guy trick worked again.

HURON, S.D.- the city that hosted the Sodakia State Fair.

That's where i was this weekend. conveniently enough Tara's folks live just outside of the area, in Alpena, SD, pop.172, i shit you not. Four main roads, only one of them paved, and the pavement runs out after about 500 feet.

And her dad "buddy" runs a farm.

And yes, while i stayed the weekend with her parents, "buddy" took me out on that farm.

A cattle farm.

Those poor bastards will get the knife later on this year.

But "buddy" is awesome, his land; beautiful. I mean gorgeous. I mean, i 've never seen anything like it in my entire life. There is something about riding around in a pick-up with a 60 year old man, ex-navy, suffers from emphysema, has a dachshund named "bruiser" who rides along, and getting an amazing tour and education covering hundreds upon hundreds of acres in the middle of nowhere.

The place was so isolated that coming back to Sioux Falls was like returning to civilization.

If i ever go back to Atlanta i think i'll have a heart attack.

Back to the fair.

The fair was boring for the most part. Lots of people wearing "get 'er done" t-shirts.

Tara and i rode rides. The 'tornado" put my stomach through my head, so fuck all that for future reference.

a N.Y. Escort Bares All

2004-09-12T23:15:00.000-04:00

fucking bill collectors.....

i hate them.

as everyone should.

what nerve they have calling people on sundays. I mean honestly, just because i avoid them all week when they call and the only day i have the balls to answer the phone when they call to collect the months of deliquincy i've amassed, well...

sunday is the lords day.

and i don't pay bills on that day.

but i'll yell at you.

and i'll call you a cocksucker.

and i'll threaten to fuck your face in.

but i refuse to conduct business on the lord's day.

so you have a nice day, a blessed day, a holy "why the fuck do i bother trying to help these fucking retards" day.

I really want to steal/use BUNNY's line on these people.

"pay your bills, cause this dick ain't gonna suck itself."

but i'd probably get fired if i said that.

2004-09-07T22:58:00.000-04:00

Everyone should wish JODY a happy birthday. Even though he is a slacker blogger and is rubbing off on me, we should still show our support as he enters into the darkest years of his life. May God or something like it have mercy on his soul. Since he's a a native blood, probably a turtle carrying the world or such...

Two weeks and two posts.

It's not that i suck, but this town.

I have a lot to tell, but fear letting it out prematurely

I will tell you it involves the VORTEX...

2004-08-31T22:43:00.000-04:00

The past couple of times i've tried to posy, damn blogger is fixing something.

I got to play DJ last night at University of Sioux Falls, 94.5fm. I basically played a bunch of athens townie shit and got homesick. I think three people here in town actually listened, and someone called up requesting Piebald, a band i hate.

I should've talked more trash. It hardly seemed interactive just putting a bunch of MP3's on winamp and taking constant smoke-breaks

I think i have a spot the following Monday as well.

I'll definitely be on the microphone more.

This town needs an enema.

So make your requests now.

2004-08-24T10:51:00.000-04:00

i am very happy about this.

2004-08-22T06:44:00.000-04:00

Guess what?

I don't understand women.

Big fucking suprise there.

Since i lost the two friends i have here due to the fact they quit smoking, and therefore quit drinking, i've been quite solitary. i really don't mind it that much. It actually makes me want to go to work so i have people to talk to, and i need to be diligent with work and earn my monies. So, yes, it works out that way. But on my weekends i can't just stay in my apartment for 48 hours. I've got to have some form of human interaction.

So i retreat to old habits and frequent diners. Not exciting by any means, but i can smoke, catch up on reading, I mean REALLY catch up on my reading, and eventually someone will come and sit across from me.

"Whatcha reading?"

It's the same way every time. I know this routine inside and out, so much so that it makes me wonder how people are still suckered in from such obvious bait. It's the most passive way of hitting on women, like fishing is to hunting.

But it works. I don't know why. I don't come up to random strangers, well, yes i do, but i don't invade space. Okay, some times i do, but only verbally. And usually drunk.

It's not that i'm shy. I'm just not agressive in that respect. I wish i was the type with the confidence to grab someone, lead them into the woods to make-out. People who can get away with that, and know it. Amazing.

But not me.

The last time i went after a female was a couple of weeks ago. The asian booty call in fact. All the time i was in Atlanta i was thinking about seeing her again. Spacial distance of course adding to it, the desire that is. But when i got back, and finally managed to track her down a few days later, man, i got blown the fuck off.

But it was weird.

Usually when you blow someone off you do not do the following:

1: Invite them out to a bar and
2: Have great c0nversation, filled with laughs, stories, questions, and constant eye contact, and
3: Suggest things 'we should do' in the future and
4: Close the bar with said person and
5: Insist on paying for the drinks and
6: Asking the person to walk you to your car only to
a: Have another hours worth of conversation
b: admit to that person that you are fucking a married guy and secretly love him.

(being the best thing she could have said to me....)

You do tell that person that you really like him, that you've never met anyone quite like him.

-but-

You'd just get bored with them in a month, and the last thing you need is a pseudo stalker.

Nope, you have enough of those already.

Back to fishing, however, here's where i stand.

1: Michele, the half Mexican, half Lakota Indian.

She apporached me. At first i though she was kind of cute, and something nwas bteer than nothing. But after a couple of hours hanging out with her at her apartment led me to believe that i could entertain more stimulating conversations with the grit in my carpet.

But maybe the sex would be good. Shit, something about her had to...

Nope. I was so bored that halfway through i stopped.

And she didn't mind.

So there you have it. A mutual parting of ways.

"But call me sometime.", she says....

2: Jessica, the chubby 19 yr old, who was very interested in having me help her move into her dorm at some college in Sioux City, IA.

I rejected this for obvious reasons.

3: And yes, 3, which happened tonight. Tara. Don't know much about her, but i have seen her around quite a bit, and always with this guy close by, who i assumed to be her boyfriend.

(i'll refer to him as "Guy:A"

Nope. But she wants him. And apparently he wants her. But there is a problem

I learn this because both of them came up to me, and brought a third, a guy (B:) with a pre-mullet, and jeans with no belt used. And both of them sat down, the guy asking me about my ink.

"What is that on your arm?" (my friends have heard me get asked that question about 1 billion times over...)

I'll give it to them. These three were interesting. Definitely a nice change . What was strange is how they related to me that the guys both were after the girl. But the girl didn't want B, she wanted A. But A had a girlfriend, some stupid 17 yr old virgin who seemed to be stuck with her politically.

And that of course is really fucking lame, and what do i expect hanging out in diners?

About the same if i hung out in bars.

So it turns out the girl is really into theatre and film, more theatre than film.

And so am i, more film than theatre.

But A and B are into fucking hot CHIX. And high fives. And being cool.

So i talk to girl, boring the other two.

"Just ignore them," she says, "They hate it when i talk about this stuff."

She seemed so excited to talk with someone about things she liked. I mean, the girl went from polite and mildly inquisitve to energetic and refreshed in a matter of seconds when she discovered i was a fan of Mamet (his writng, NOT his directing).

And an hour or so later guy A gets bored and wants to go home. Just interupts with his immediate want.

And since she wants to be with someone so stimulating, they leave.

Too bad.

Oh well.

I'm getting a dog.

...... xMutant Geniusx (3:55:54 AM): or lousy
jailybrokenstein (3:56:20 AM): never had an orgasm, EVER, not even by her lonesome
jailybrokenstein (3:56:33 AM): so not really into it
jailybrokenstein (3:56:53 AM): just sorta let's her man hump away, which i am not into whatsoever
xMutant Geniusx (3:56:58 AM): in some ways I'd see that as a challenge
jailybrokenstein (3:57:11 AM): yeah, if the challenge is there
jailybrokenstein (3:57:37 AM): but she hates the oral, and that shit was rainforest, another thing i am NOT into...

.... xMutant Geniusx (4:05:23 AM): I'm enjoying the hell outta it
jailybrokenstein (4:05:42 AM): as you should, a god given right to all males
xMutant Geniusx (4:05:42 AM): it's nice have a 20 yr old sex fiend
jailybrokenstein (4:05:54 AM): ah, the good ole days...
xMutant Geniusx (4:05:59 AM): lol
jailybrokenstein (4:06:00 AM): miss it
jailybrokenstein (4:06:05 AM): miss it bad
xMutant Geniusx (4:06:11 AM): Well I'm finally getting to enjoy that kind of shit
jailybrokenstein (4:06:18 AM): fuck sith, i'm going pediphile
xMutant Geniusx (4:06:22 AM): HAHAHAHAHA
xMutant Geniusx (4:06:37 AM): to bad you left town you could join Joe and I in out Sith ways
jailybrokenstein (4:06:51 AM): i'm opening a sodak chapter

Yes. When bored i will refer to the disdain of dating in Star Wars terms.

The truth of the matter is that i've reverted back to my old romantic ways. I did really want this girl to come back with me, but not to hump on her.

Yes, my libido has returned to it's 15 yr old boy glory, which i'm not sure how that happened.

But did just want to hang out with her one on one, keep talking trash, film, and just get to know her. I liked her. I'll look forward to seeing her again.

All that shit.

But it's hard to play the duality of romanticism and realism. What do you do with hope when the past slaps you awake, to attention?

...but put the past behind you.
That's where it belongs.
Just try and not be to bitter about it, right?

Yeah, all that shit.

People leave when they someplace to go.

They stay if they've an agenda that involves you.
Whether it's for stability....
Or for fear of lonliness...
Or for sex...
Or for lack of courage to just be honest.
But rarely for love.

Because we all know that fades.
And we make sure we fuck and we laugh and we pass time making some great memories till someone does leave.

Walk that is.

We just hope that we're the first to walk.

Like i said, i'm getting a dog.

George Carlin said getting a pet is like buying a minor tragedy.

2004-08-20T21:53:00.000-04:00

It's just one stupid thing after another. and that shit is hilarious.

Yesterday, in an attempt to get out of about an hours worth of work i decided to give blood. They had a bloodmobile parked just outside, and some lady at a desk with a registration form trying to get the workers as they came in and out of the building between smoke breaks. The Red Cross like their blood with an ample supply of nicotine after the tax raise in tobacco...

So i sign up. It's the first time i've ever given, always being turned down in the past because of tattoos and body jewelry and unprotected roman orgies. But in my old age enough time has passed so they say i'm safe.

In i go. A nurse sits me down with a billion-questionnaire. Second to last question is whether or not i've been in jail or prison within the last 12 months.

"Well, yes....But it was for less than 72 hours."

"Ok, you're good then."

Apparently 72 hours AND one minute and i was Magic Johnson.

They set me up along with the others. Needle goes in, blood comes out, whatever. Time passes, they get their liter, needle comes out, i get to choose what color bandage i want.

"I can't tell the color anyway, so whatever you like."

"Ok Shaun, if you'll just have a seat over there when you feel alright. You can grab yourself a cookie and some orange juice."

I feel okay. No big deal. I get up and walk over to the cookies and shit. sit down with some older women that i work with and gab away.

Then the stars show up. The sound in my ears starts sounding like the back seat of a car in Downtown ATL. Fuck.

"Um, i think i'm going down", i say. two nurses come over and begin escorting me to a so i'm on a mountain i think. wait, i think i've been here before and there's a chirping noise in the background and i think it's my alarm clock aw fuck i'm late for work but this bed feels so comfortable and i don't want to get up and someone's calling my name and fuck off lady i'll get up when i want and, what the, what the fuck is that wet shit under my nose?

"What the fuck do you WANT!", i yell.

Wait a minute, where am i.

"Shaun, you passed out. it's okay."

Great. Down like a sack of potatos on the bloodmobile. I impress even myself.

"i did?"

"Yes."

"did i hit my head on anything?"

"No, we caught you."

"Did i score a ten?"

2004-08-19T05:28:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure what i think about this new "blogger NavBar". It does give me some appreciation though for the persons i link and who link me.

THESE BLOGS ARE REASONS WHY

On a smoke break today i was commenting on how i look like shit lately, that i could use a haircut, probably a shower, and my clothes some washing.

And this old guy, a collector, started laughing.

"A HAHAHA, how's the line at GOODWILL going? Tell my ex i said hi!"

Okay. I'll ignore that. Just be pleasant, you are, after all, at work.

And then he continues...

"Man, you do look like shit. What's wrong with you anyway man, i mean, can't you find your way to a razor. Jesus, if i knew they were hiring folks like you i woulda ran outta here a long time ago!"

And then he keeps laughing while i contemplate the blunt intstrument i will use on his false teeth, while they are still in his mouth. I just stare at him, a bit shocked at how strong he's coming at me, and how funny he thinks it is. All got uncomfortable at what he was saying, and how loud he was.

"Oh man, i'm just horsin' around with you, but seriously, if you need five bucks for some clothes, just ask man. All you gotta do is ask!"

And he keeps laughing.

So i ask him for the five bucks.

and he gives it to me.

And i get to keep my job. And i don't have to go to jail. And i'm 5 dollars the better.

And i know what car he drives.

2004-08-18T05:06:00.000-04:00

Alright. Finally.

I finally met Mr Internet Man yesterday, being Monday. He turned out to be a soft spoken, soft door knocking slovic gentlemen with a thick accent. So soft door knocking, in fact, that had it not been for my bedroom activity partner getting up early to go to work, i would have never heard him knocking and this post would not be written, so to speak.

So thank you, bedroom activity partner.

And as it seems that i have suffered hits to this site (obviously in light of the fact that i have lost my "OMG, like, he hangs out with/has sex with BUNNY Mcintosh!" thunder) that i am left with a few loyal fans, subscribers, whatever. And they thank you as well, bedroom activity partner.

So yeah. I'm back in this bitch.

2004-08-11T05:17:00.000-04:00

Things i discovered while driving halfway across the country:

That the mid-west proves that the biker community is alive and well.

If you smoke close to three packs of cigarettes you will find that Mt. Dew Code Red tastes like drinking PB&J.

That slapping your face really hard will prevent you from falling asleep at the wheel for about a minute, until you discover that you will still fall asleep at the wheel despite the fact that your face hurts.

Due to boredom and lack of a CD/MP3 player you will listen to anything the radio provides.
You may also find yourself telling the flute player to "bring the pain" during his solo on "California Dreamin''.

That you are a dork, and will blog this stupid shit.

I'm working on giving the blog a facelift. I've already added a few links, including one for TONY because i feel bad that nobody goes to his site.

I also took down the retarded dancing boy/girl person.

Oddly enough the page now loads faster. Heh.

Man, i'm stopping right now.

2004-08-09T09:55:00.000-04:00

made it. sorry to those i was supposed to call upon arrival.

caught rain from KC up to Sioux City IA. 17hr trip time.

Went home, slept for 14 hours.

Yes, i am part bear.

Time for working now.

2004-08-07T06:22:00.000-04:00

Part Two:

This is part two, being the second part, you phony, you imposter.

Arrive in Atlanta (Hartsfield/Jackson[cause you can't keep a brotha down]) . Am picked up. I need sleep, it's not coming anytime soon.

I hate this town. It's muggy, it's hot, there is too much traffic and not enough shootings. L.A. used to have the hillside snipers keeping constant watch over the herds (who knows, maybe they still do but perhaps a bit timid?). I say Atlanta should get some as well. Just hide in the kudzu with the evicted rednecks.

Drive drive drive. Make it to Canton. Eat Quizno's , get fat on sliced meat and ATKINS unfriendly bread. Come up with excuses, reason, explanations, bullshit and sad, sad stories. Drive to probation management.

I dared them. They denied i called, i threatened a lawsuit. It's Rob's fault. He put the idea in my head. For some reason they choked and withdrew the TWO warrants they had for me. I guess the refresher course i took at work paid off in me being able to exert assertiveness over others.

Yeah, that's it.

In the end they gave me what i wanted; To be able to mail the payments, w/out reporting.

Now. Was that so hard?

No, but it was costly.

Then a bunch of other shit happened.

Was going to head out for the SD last Saturday. Instead i was gifted a car. And i still have a job. they gave me an emergency something.
Stayed another week to tie up ends with that, and now the plan, if i get the expected paycheck in the mail, is to be outta town by noon.

And perhaps i can...

Rob thinks gay marriage is okay.

bye.

2004-08-05T21:31:00.000-04:00

And a word of advice:

Never, while walking around the house in bare feet, think that the broken glass you stepped on was actually a particularly sharp piece of cat food and continue walking.

2004-08-05T21:21:00.000-04:00

fuck.

This has been a crazy, yet insanely boring two weeks. I'm actually glad to be goinbg back to SD on Saturday.

I got my probation taken care of, but i lost a close friend.

I got a car, but i lost so much money.

I met up with some old friends, and life seemes to be getting back to how it used to be.

But it's always different. You just can't get it back.

But you all know this.

And none of them have anything to do with the other. These are all things i didn't expect to happen.

And so i truly expected this to happen.

2004-08-04T11:03:00.000-04:00

FUCK MISSOURI!

Fuck Missouri right in their stupid Midwestern
hatemongering face! Thank you, you fucking
stupid state for setting the standard of ignorance
and bullshit politics that replaces the Constitution
with archaic bible passages that so many other
equally idiotic states were just waiting to get the
go ahead on. Thank you for writing explicit
discrimination into your state constitution. Thank
you for proving that the stereotype of the Midwest
is true. Thank you for making the "gateway to the
West" one of ignorance and hate. Thank you for
taking a giant dump in the supposed "melting pot"
of America. Thank you you fucking cur of a state,
and I hope the future takes pity on your sad little
souls.

Here's the NYTimes article for anyone who's
interested:
(www.nytimes.com/2004/08/04/national/04gays.html?hp)

2004-07-28T19:36:00.000-04:00

MONDAY morning...

Jody, to Shaun: "hey, listen to this voicemail."
Shaun: "o.k. Give me the phone."

Voicemail: "This is Lindsay Marshall calling from GA probation management. I'm calling to let you know that you have an appointment tomorrow, and this is the last appointment i have on my calendar."

When i left GA to the beautiful and isolated Sioux Falls, SD, it was under the understanding that i would be paying my probation off from there, as previously agreed that i could do.

By paying it off from there, i mean "payment in full".

When i am finally able to contact my probation officer ( which by the way is an outside company, not a government arm.) as i have been unable to do since June 10th when i realized that i would be unable to pay, i full, by the date of June 29th, we had the most rational, intelligent conversation. I'll explain later why she never called me back until then. The reason is awesome.

It goes a little something like this:

"Lindsay Marshall."

"Hi Lindsay, this is Shaun Katz."

"What can i do for you?"

"I was returning your phone call. I need to talk to you about my appointment tomorrow."

"What about it?"

"Well..."

We parry back and forth, me explaining the situation, her being unreasonable.

FACT: Yes, i fucked up and wasn't able to pay on the appointed time.
FACT: From the day i realized this i have called five days a week, leaving clear and concise messages, along with contact information.
FACT: I was never called back until two days ago.
FACT: I am over 1,100 miles away. I am broke. It's not like i can walk there.

I explain that i can pay half now, the other half in two weeks. All i need is the proper information, and an assurance that upon payment, a receipt of some form will be available.

This does no good however. We ARE dealing with government employees.

She tells me she would rather see my smiling face than money.

This, of course, makes complete sense.

I go to Human Resources Dept., telling them that i have an emergency at home and have to leave for a couple of weeks. They ask specifics, i give them, they say it's cool, but call within the next few days to make sure i still have a job.

Awesome. This will make the second job i've lost over this bullshit.

So.

guess what happens next?

When i drove there, to SD, the trip took me just over 16 hours. By the time i am able to rent a car the time will be 10:00pm CST. The math states, including the fact that i lose an hour for the time change, i should be able to arrive in ATL around 3 in the afternoon. The office closes at 5.

That is cutting it way too close. Way to close. Way 2 close.

Option number 2: Fly.

So, now i have three separate tasks i have to accomplish via delegation.

#1: Find, and purchase a plane ticket. The two closest airports are in Sioux Falls, SD, and Sioux City, IA (an hour away). The next closest is Minneapolis, MN ( a mere 4 1/2 hours away).
I check Expedia, Orbitz, and CheapTickets. For Sioux Falls AND Sioux City the prices are $550 and up, one way. For Minneapolis, $250.

I call Rob, by now an expert and veteran of bailing my ass out of trouble with his magic card of plastic.

Minneapolis it is.

#2: But in order to do that, i will need a ride. Jody and Emily both have to be at work at 8am. 4 1/2 hours there, another 4 1/2 back. They are clearly not viable options.

So, i call Marcus, a guy i've known a little over a month now through household (my job). He has a Jeep Wrangler, with no top or doors, and mind you, it's below 70 degrees outside. I was willing to supply jackets, gloves, and neat-o goggles and scarves if need be.

I offer to pay gas, feed him, get smokes, coffee, and good conversation.

Miraculously, he agrees. However, he says that in no way will he be taking the Jeep (which is good), but needs to ask his girlfriend if he can borrow her car(which is bad). More on that later.

And finally, we come to #3: getting from Atlanta Airport to Canton in time for a meeting with the officer of logical thought.

This is handled by Colleen a.k.a. Pywakit who agrees to fetch me when my flight arrives.

Now i have all three things done. I'm packed and ready.

It's time to meet up with Marcus.

Since his girlfriend doesn't want to go he enlists the help of another girl in our class, Becky, who he's been sleeping with on the side, and has acne between her breasts.

I refuse to elborate upon that.

The three of us head out into the darkness, a highway ride through a land of nothing but fields and farms and it's already one in the morning, and i have to take a red-eye out of Minneapolis and these two hardly know me and they're cool as fuck for taking me and i'm still amazed, and i fed them sobe energy drinks and coffee, and ghetto-chinos, and Mt. dew's and pop tarts and cigarettes.

This isn't a photo i took, rather stole, but it kind of illustrates the drive.

It was a long, cold fucking drive. Conversation dried up rather quickly, and we listened to mixed CD's and Stephen Lynch singing songs about if Dad, after he goes into the bar, and if he plays his cards right, he will be bringing home your new mommy tonight.

The AIRPORT:

Finally, we made it. They were quick to dump my ass and return home. I don't blame them one fucking iota. If it were me, i probably would have declined the ride in the first place.

Well, maybe not.

I wait around for three hours until my flight. I don't know if any of you have ever bought a one-way ticket, hours before your scheduled flight, but if you do, security doesn't look kindly on that.

Oh yeah, i had my shoes off.

And my shirt.

And when they asked me to fold down the front of my pants so i could show them the other side of my fly, yeah, i showed them the D.

Aboard my flight i had a rater large housewife next to me. She seemed nervous. She started talking to me. The flight got delayed an hour.

Turns out she was part of a team of candle vendors heading to ATL Civic Center for a candle making/vendor convention.

And I, i was their guide.

"We want to party, where's a good place to go?"

"Atlanta will never be the same after we leave, will it girls?"

Ha ha ha. You girls crazy.

I advised them that Buckhead was the place to be, a place i've had my car jumped on, black folk pounding on my windshield, yelling "Cracker, you dead bitch!"

Have fun ladies.

:END PART ONE:

2004-07-24T19:40:00.000-04:00

Here at phoenixandthephone824 we strive to provide quality, as well as quantity, in blog posting.

we apologize for missing the mark.

however, we now have a renewed zeal that should enable us to go above and beyond your expectations.

and, of course, as soon as this affirmation is diclosed, we hit a snag...

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO MAKE IT THROUGH LIFE, MR. INTERNET PROVIDING MAN, IF YOU TAKE AWAY MY SERVICE TILL FUCKING WEDNESDAY?

got my first sioux falls booty call last night. yummy. asian yummy.

she must have known that i was the hotsauce on the lobster.

right. it's that she didn't know me period.

and that folks, that is how you accomplish so many questionable things.

and then you get a blog and post all this shit and everything turns to shit, and it's shitshitshit.

but not this. nope. only four people, not including myself, know i even have this thing, and it's staying that way.

see you again on wednesday.

sdkatzinjammer@gmail.com

p.s. i still have three gmail invites left if anyone wants one.

2004-07-23T16:09:00.000-04:00

so, yes, as i mentioned on my last post i was to go out drinking 25oz LITs for 2.50.

they were disgusting. mostly sour and coke. and yes, i should've known this. I should've known the horror of heartburn that comes from drinking a gallon of lime sour.

but we soon left, because the sun was still burning bright in the sky, and other bars called. They didn't call me exactly, but the people i was with.

next was "the thirsty duck". drank PBR's and played darts. thats what you do here. play darts. but when a table of concrete pouring construction workers start heckling you because the color of your darts are pink, then you best stick out the pinky finger, swish the ass, and hit a bull's eye, just as i had somehow managed to do, as if it were written in the stars.

"Haa-a-yy..." i throw/push dart.

bull's eye. 50pts flash onto the screen.

"man..."

"yeah, that fag can throw..."

onto "Shenannigan's" where i proceeded to encounter every fucking frat kid on the planet. This bar is in THEE mall, and it's apparently the hot spot. i just do not get this town. Regardless, i drank and drank and drank and watched some guy tally up how many times he could "high-five
' passing females, growing more and more elated, as though each touch, each pass of flesh was a personal victory.

i guess for him it was. he is, after all, from a state where nobody in the world thinks is inhabited.

and yes, i yelled obscenities at the girls singing "total eclipse of the heart", "i will survive", and some piece of shit kenny chessny song.

then i started yelling at everyone indiscriminately.

And today i hardly have a voice.

This is the 'smoke shack' at work.

Notice the line painted on the ground. If we have a lit cigarette in hand or mouth or anywhere on our person, we are not to cross that line.

Bad things will happen if we do so.

And yes, we are all adults here.

Jody and i move into our new place this weekend. rent for a 2bed 1bath = $530. This includes water, heat, and garbage.

And after this week i will be having my own space again, as well as internet, which means i will be back to more regular posting. just give it a couple of days.

greatest name i've called so far for money: Ragnar Marquest.

2004-07-22T18:52:00.000-04:00

i finally finished this bullshit two-day refresher (i know, a refresher already?) at work. it was on how to give better service to our customers, meaning, the lessons they taught were painfully obvious, condescending, and ultimately of a nature that you would scoff, laugh, and blow off.

this some how improves the work place as well as the quality of collecting that goes on there.

this is precisely why i never wanted a fucking office job.

i actually have some shit to write about today. my weekend , however, has just started, and i'm going out with fellow employees to get 25oz LITs for 2.50 at some Sodakian bar.
so when i get back, you'll get thwe drunken, bare all post.

or maybe the hung-over one the following day, meaning friday.

i hate people.

2004-07-17T18:48:00.000-04:00

i've been here over a month now. I find i ask myself from time to time "was this the best thing for me to do?"

was coming to South Dakota, effectively the middle of nowhere, with no clear route of escape, the right thing for me to do?

Does it really fucking matter?

No, not really.

i always have found myself where i clearly do not belong. I was always continue to do so. And in a way, that is how i fit right in, a nice little blemish on the lives around me. And some miss that blemish, that cancer.

They miss having someone so difficult to love.

And i miss them for it.

I haven't benn getting the calls from my friends like i would have, but in a way i can see the relief they must feel at the break from me. i made things difficult.

It's because i am difficult. And irratable. And irritating.

And a little to much to handle.

But i kick so much ass. What it really comes down to is that i need the right ass to kick.

I've been kicking my own for forever now.

things are good for me, i think. whenever i feel the calm i wait for the storm. maybe just from habit, but always knowing that life is all this 'up and down' bullshit.

i guess you could say that now i am part of the storm that waits for those who defy contracts with the bank. for those of you curious, this is what those demons look like, and where they call you from, assaulting your serenity.

and man, the more you fight, the more you squirm and wrestle, yell and curse, the more it pleases them.

like a boa constrictor.

and why the fuck did Hollywood think they really needed a sequel to fucking 'Anaconda'?

God, instead of promising continuity, should have promised consistancy.

and an explanation.

and maybe a couple of clear answers.

2004-07-13T08:37:00.000-04:00

i figured out a way to make going into work at 8 in the morning managable.

wake up at three in the morning, like i do, tank on coffee, and when you get off work, go to slepp cause when you live here, the evenings have little to offer.

money finally came on saturday.

need more... need more... need more...

i'm not sure if i actually do need it, or am now being conditioned by my job to think so.

had my first, "you're a slimy son of a bitch" call yesterday. The fucker just whispered it, nay, hissed it into the phone. Doing it like that had much more of an effect than yelling it over the phone. it was as though he was right there in my cubicle with me.

HA HA.
i have a cubicle.

and an ID badge.

2004-07-09T21:35:00.000-04:00

money is coming...

money is coming...

money is coming...

no more McChicken's and Wendy's dollar menu.

Well, fuck that. It's still cheap.

And the sad part is Walmart is the place to get groceries around here. The cheapest anyways. I had heard that three businesses in Mexico have teamed up to have a united front against the invasion of Wal-Mart in Mexico. The gov't there approves and supports.

They even supply cheerleaders.

where is my cheerleader Bush? And Kerry, if elected, would you make sure i have a cheerleader squadron to root me on?

Nope. That's silly.

What a silly asshole i am for saying any of that.

paco and i are to get the new Apartment by the end of next month.

That means we will be equally disgusting, but only in separate rooms.

And, as a parting question, is Pelupta a real name?

2004-07-06T23:54:00.000-04:00

I'm such an imposter. I have absolutely no business taking others peoples money, rather, i have no business working for a bank that takes YOUR money. Everyday my brain naturally schemes at ways to wrench the system. I'll be Robin Hood, and serve maximum penalties.

The fourth. 4th of July. A day we let the Mexicans go free, killed some Injuns, and smacked a brit or two. I know they're just waiting to reclaim us again. I'm not sure as to why they would want us. Maybe they want are extensive chain of delicious Taco Bell franchises...

Spiderman2 was a surprise. i liked it. I didn't cry, though i am told i was supposed to.

I wish i had the choice to be a web slinging freak. My choices are work or jail.

Jail proved i can shoot dice for monopoly money like a motherfucker.

That bitch still owes me $3,200 dollars cold hard yellow cash...

That is me mocking Dave. we were playing 'bacci' (sp?) ball. My team was losing. He was on my team. He was actually the only member of my team, and i mocked him repeatedly.

Moral support runs high with my crew.

Imagine if i were a WWII general...

those other guys kicked our ass.

i later spit into their sangria.

sssh.

i made fatty here get on the roof for losing.

oh man, you should see how he fucked up his leg from getting back down.

Later, Erm and Jess tore into him over the small fact that he was so fucking annoying.

SEE... i made about three gallons of my homemade sangria.

I then made the mistake of telling him that the shit will sneak up on you.

He then called my blend 'ninja juice' the rest of the night.

We made him pout.

Welcome to the neighborhood.

Last year around this time, on the fourth actually, i was walking up the street with my friends, my girl, and my boss. Two weeks later i lost the girl, but gained the boss. Two weeks after that i lost the boss, and the job that came with it.

Then i lost my mind.

But fuck all if i didn't find it again. I blew off the dust and started a blog.

Am i better off?

Like i said, i am an imposter. I could be lying to you.

2004-06-30T22:34:00.000-04:00

Dear Mr. Fat, farmer tanned, Redneck Fellow,
I know you're happy summer is finally here in Sodakia, but that is no cause to ride around on your bike with your shirt off, wearing those sexy cut-off shorts. The children are scared, i'm disgusted by seeing your blubb move more than your pedals, and you're slowing up traffic.

amazing. summer finally decided to make it's way here. i broke a sweat sitting still, smoking the smoke on a 15, mingling with the collectors.

These people are strange. Twin Peaks should've been set here.

I hear all about how Tuesday this girl has, HAS to play darts. She's on a league. It's important. The kids go to grammaw's, hubby goes w/out beer.

The only things missing are the log lady and the backwards midget.

2004-06-29T22:05:00.000-04:00

Blogging....

This shit was so much easier when i had either access to a laptop, or 24/7 whenever PC time.

That is not the case now. I managed to live with the lightest sleeper on the planet, and this causes problems as we share an efficiency. That needs to change, and will be shortly, as soon as my paychecks come rolling through/into my hands.

I've managed to perhaps have three other jobs, all pending.

One is painting apartment interiors. I actually have this one, and was supposed have a job this past weekend, but things (my luck) got screwed (with the boss, not me[i was available]). Flat rate is the pay, no matter the amount of bedrooms. So if i get a string of one bedrooms, i bank.

Second is perhaps bartending weekends at the local fine diner around here(equivalent of a Houlihan's).

Third is posing for an artist's gallery in the D.town area. $10 an hour to crack jokes and have ridiculous paintings done of me. cool.

It's still coldish here. long sleeves by dusk, sweater by night.

The collections job may allow me to transfer to either India (yes, the country) or to Las Vegas in the near future.

I await the job postings...

Things are looking up somewhat. I hope this trend continues.

I need the run of luck desperately...

2004-06-29T20:46:00.000-04:00

If you have a credit card with Household,
a Best Buy charge card,
a GM charge card,
or anything affiliated with Orchard Bank,
Chances are i'll be calling you.

If you're late on payment that is...

My job as the devil's aide rocks.

Quote of the Day:

"...I beh you jus' wun of 'dem prosss-titoots who gunna chop da heads offa some 'panish whores an' steal her purdy pearl necklace right offa her neck."

Name of the Day:

Matthew Turbow

2004-06-27T21:08:00.000-04:00

Everyday now i've made a post that upon review i've trashed.

it's not your fault i'm bored.

scurvy | BTB | pacoblue

2004-06-22T19:03:00.000-04:00

chrishassiotis: in this week's issue bunny's also got a review of the Will Oldham show

jailybrokenstein: is she writing alot for you?

chrishassiotis: every now and then
chrishassiotis: mostly reviews
chrishassiotis: she's one of a few people who doesn't feel the need to sugarcoat

jailybrokenstein: how is she doing at it?

chrishassiotis: good, she's a good writer

jailybrokenstein: you like her for the humor or quality?
jailybrokenstein: or both?

chrishassiotis: los dos
chrishassiotis: she is insightful and entertaining

jailybrokenstein: and she's a delight

chrishassiotis: is she?

jailybrokenstein: that's what she says

chrishassiotis: well, okay, now to wings

jailybrokenstein: i think so

chrishassiotis: adios

jailybrokenstein: spic

chrishassiotis: 4 REALZ

2004-06-22T18:18:00.000-04:00

and then he drooled on them all...

Last week was ATHFEST. I really don't know what to say about it all since i wasn't there/present, aside from the fact that the Greek got to be a PR guy and hosted? the athens music awards. I assume that he later was a PBR guy, but 'no whiskey buddy...'
CIRCU played (the short rob and i finished about two years ago.) at the 40watt, which is fucking awesome to me. In a way i've now been on the same stage as other legendary musical acts.
They didn't give out awards for short films, only the music videos, (which our video, having been completed on the day of the submission deadline, so it wasn't entered.) but from what i hear and understand, the short was well recieved. People laughed in the right places, etc.
It would've been cool to have seen it. I also would've liked to have seen the Greek in action. Instead i have these nice photos which i caption.

eh... so the 'Hitler' joke bombs...
anyways, you ever hear the one about...

Other little events have happened here in the wilds.
Could there be a new flame involved? Hmmm?

Prof. Tony Pierce Busblog / LICK (theblog)

2004-06-21T18:07:00.001-04:00

i wish this past year hadn't gone the way it had. I was supposed to be free again, free to explore a new life, cut my own path so to speak.

Yeah, yeah...
The same shit.

Today was to be a 5 year mark. That would have been something, but now it's nothing, and the memory and consequence is negligible. I still feel a bit of the stinbg, though a year has passed now, and now things, my life, hardly resemble the past. The problem is is that i'm worse off than before. And that wasn't supposed to happen.

This shit happens to everyone, but the details ARE ALWAYS different. And that is why we share these lame stories of our trials and tribulations, in hopes that we'll get your understanding acknowledgment, or if not thatm then your pity will do nice. And we'll always claim we really don't want that. We'll act all offended like. We may urinate on you.

I tossed around the idea of starting a private blog, and after some thought, decided against it. Mostly because i can barely keep this updated with anything substantial.

Another reason is i may be too tempted to get all emo-shoegazer-deepfest on it, and i personally hate that shit.

Part of me misses home, part of me is glad i got the fuck out of there.

Sometimes i wonder if trauma finally got the best of me.

I wake up and don't know where i am, and ususally, who i am. Not the average identity crisis, but what my name is. And the worst is that i think i lost the ability to make anything work anymore.

The other night someone had asked me if i was alright. I avoided the answer, claiming that i had the liquor speaking for me. But the above sentitments were the buzzing, stinging thoughts, and most times, especially now, i'm just lonely.
I'm scared because i'm not getting any younger and my life is still a disaster.
I'm shamed by every bit of help i receive to help solve problems i should be more than capable of solving on my own.

And lately i'm just gun-shy to love anything anymore.. I'm paralyzed by the thought of 'letting go', and absolutely humbled by the impotence of my heart. I'm terrified to give someone that power again.

And i've come to realize that i know more blog URLs than i do actual phone numbers. That this weird, fucked up community of pseudo pen pals has become a mentally-ill comfort for me.

2004-06-20T20:30:00.000-04:00

happy father's day.

R.E.K
04-06-37/08-05-86

2004-06-18T16:51:00.000-04:00

anyone who makes advertising 'robots' a priority will definitely earn my business.

2004-06-18T13:23:00.000-04:00

TRUEBOY hooked me up with a gmail. awesome.

sdkatzinjammer@gmail.com

so use it.

2004-06-17T02:54:00.000-04:00

oh the best lovers,
are the one's who can never be found,
oh the best lovers,
are the ones who are never around.

i'll give you a nickel for your quarter,
my liquor for your water,
leave you drunk up on the rooftop.

well i...
i'm dancing on the moon,
this song is for,
our salvation.

and if you sit here long enough,
on this roof under this tree,
i swear i'll sneak up right beside you,
unlock you heart and set you free.

someday i'll wear black,
and the next day,
baby blue.

cause thats the color of the sky,
my train is traveling through.

the color of the sky,
my train is traveling to.
-Malt Liquor
Clair and Bain's Maple Yum-Yum

2004-06-16T18:40:00.000-04:00

62 outside. Overcast. Light rains.
...and the windsheild wipers hardly wipe, more like smear the water across the glass.

I'm learning my way around town. Funny. There are only two main roads, with veins of streets leading to these little dens of familys who were born here, live here, and will ultimatly die here.

Still looking for a second job. Bleh. I never had this much trouble before. As a mighty teen i could always find a job in some service biz. But now, in my olden age, crippled brain... maybe it's the harline.

yeah, maybe...

Last night was Emily's One yr anniversary of being in Sodak.

i'm still trying to figure out the cause of celebration. BW3's wing night and pitchers of Miller for $5. Wings for 30 cents. Laker game, Piston's game. I disappointed a local by telling him i could give a shit, and confounded him by revealing that i didn't even know who was playing, regardless of whether or not i even knew it was a big game. THE game it seems.

Always next year to prove the testosterone that is in my blood. I can be an avid sports fan then, cheering, rooting for my favorite sports squadron, hoping and praying on the lives of my future children that the team will score ample goal units and give validation to my life.

2004-06-15T17:49:00.001-04:00

sorry to be a sucka and not post in fucking DAYS of, of, of, sodakia wiping.. away.. what.. little... dictionary... i have...

But this pic is exciting.

This pic shows tornado chasing weather, just days before i showed up here, in this, this, this...

And when it comes again, i will be ready.

I'm not sure how, or what that means either.

2004-06-11T18:19:00.000-04:00

r.reagan died, and then i hear ray charles was next. I'm glad i wasn't in GA, as i can imagine the radios played "georgia on my mind" non-stop.

and if you're from there GA, that song is more than annoying. That song is a laser show blasted on the side of the largest boulder of granite in the state.

i made it a week here. a week and one day.

Sodakians are crazy to do the winter here every year.

I wore a sweater yesterday. It is June, and I wore a sweater.

You are missed...

2004-06-10T03:49:00.000-04:00

Jody were at Wal-mart today. It happened. We saw Coke's new 'carb-friendly' C2.

I, uh, yeah...

2004-06-07T02:55:00.000-04:00

no tornado chasing yet, but it did get windy tonight, and i'm wetting myself in anticipation.

My nights here have consisted of the following:

Seeing Jody again, for the first time.

Meeting Emily, incredibly awesome.

Meeting the "sodakians", a strange culture of people indeed.

So far i have had an early taste of 'wing night', which i will not be a part of in eating, only with my charming self.

I attended a dildo party. I think nthe woman seeling the dildos was the long lost Dixie Chick. She scared me, and told everyone her husband was a narc. an undercover narc. a not-so-successful narc in light of his wife telling everyone what he does for a living, and even about his gay cop moustache.

But i did play the 'pass-the-double-ended-dildo-using-only-your-legs' game.

yes. i did that.

and somehow i came in second. she yelled 'penis' just as i was passing. losing cost me a vibrating egg. i though emily was going to kill the guy who won it, seeing as she thought the egg was rightfully mine.

Jody has a big head. He has issues with this, so i, of course, exploit this weakness.

And he won self-heating blueberry flavored lube. just because. because he is Jody?

i suck at halo. i am target practice.

and if i can ever get of a certain someone's camera, i will have the most boring pics to share with you, but they make me happy. and that makes you happy. IT MAKES YOU HAPPY TOO!

2004-06-06T03:20:00.000-04:00

hey BUNNY! why did i get bumped?

someone fill me in please...

2004-06-04T20:20:00.000-04:00

sorry to make a quick and short post, but i'm getting settled. I'm in the kota, a 16 hour drive, 1168miles. i'm tired and disoriented.

2004-06-02T19:44:00.000-04:00

i had to leave the country,
but you there were some nice folks there,
and i don't know where i'm going,
all i know is that
i'll hit the ground running.

So, in about three hours i'm getting my rental car and heading for South 'the' Kota.

I'll be a buffalo tipper.

A drinker amongst mid-western people.

A visitor of the Badlands.

A tornado chaser.

Bye Bye Georgia.

2004-05-30T20:07:00.000-04:00

I have returned from 'the Florida', and now know why i never went there before. it's as though Georgia is a quadriplegic, and Florida is it's engorged, STD enriched penis.

The main problem with the beaches in 'the Florida' is the tourists. Herds of fat hairy people, with fake gold jewelry and farmers tans, drag their even fatter, though significantly less hairy and jewelry laden, children to what they feel are beautiful, sandy beaches. The only problem with that is, in the 'minds eye' sandy beaches are beautiful because they don't come with the mental imagery of fucking tourists. Everything is ruined now! That's it, sawed off shotgun in the mouth time.

Man, i love the ocean though. I love it i love it i love it. Since Rob and I were there in 'the Florida' to shoot a wedding video for persons of which we do not know, part of that process involves gathering footage of a 'non-wedding' nature for editing in at a later time. For example, clips of architecture, flowers, birds, or even, in this case, the ocean. People go nuts for that type of shit. Think 'Love Songs from the 60's, 70's, and 80's' commercials. All of them have an ocean setting in the background, though usually they also have some guy riding a horse down the coastline. I didn't have the guy, or the horse available, but i did have a coastline. And as i stepped out onto the beaches, in a button up shirt, jeans, socks AND shoes, i think to myself (aside from 'damn it's hot out here and i have to wear this shit...') i better be careful not to get wet. But i can't get the angle of the waves right. And i can't get all the kids shoving sand in each others' swimsuits out of the shot either. So i go further out, just as the sand is wet. The tide seems to have receded at this point, so i step out, trying to be light on my feet, and failing to do so, but i manage some good footage. I even grab a flock of pelicans flying over head in a nice 'wedding video pan of ocean waves to flying birds' shot, just as the tide spills all over and around my feet. The rest of the day was a miserable 'i have wet feet' day. Nice, but i did get to go in the ocean.

So, yes, i'm back in town (wippie, Canton), and what's the first thing I do? Fucking look at fucking blogs. Fucking hell.

I have, however, learned a few things about myself from other blogs in my absence.

1) Tink thinks i make excellent yummy spaghetti, which i do. The secret is cream cheese in the meat sauce.

2) Raymi thinks i look like 'Lex' from survivor. I have comments, to my defense, about this i will save for a later day...

3) The Unsomnabulist is having sexy sexy dreams about Bunny, and apparently, I, along with Tony Pierce, have cameos. Not, 'pornstar' cameos, but we're definitely(?) there...

2004-05-28T12:04:00.000-04:00

K	Kinky
A	Awesome
T	Timeless
Z	Zonked
I	Irresistible
N	Naughty
J	Joyful
A	Arty
M	Misunderstood
M	Mesmerizing
E	Enchanting
R	Rich

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

2004-05-28T09:29:00.000-04:00

a congratulations are in order for Rob and his wife who, at 11:30am yesterday, welcomed their third child, a son, into the world.

WAY TO HUMP ON THE OL' LADY, ROB!

Since Rob doesn't have any brothers, that leaves me to be the uncle from his side of the family. A dead beat, unemployed, in-and-out of jail uncle, but hey, i'm interesting, and those kids will never have a fear of the tattooed.

Tomorrow, around 5am, we leave for Jacksonville, FL (yes, the hometown of Fred Durst, bleh) to shoot a wedding. Business is business, and no burrito kid is going to stand in our way. This will make my first trip into that state, and why i've never been there before in the 13 or so years i've lived here is beyond me. Maybe it's all the horror stories i've heard about that place (i.e. spring break PCB! WOO HOO!) Or maybe since Scarface, Miami hasn't been the same...

It should be fun. Free foods, hotel room. Get to hang on the beach after the shoot, convince Rob to get roaring drunk with me, and remind him that i am not his wife, so back off little man.

2004-05-27T11:00:00.000-04:00

shave and a haircut...

Today is Njosnavelin.
Today is driving around, listening to music, and watching people go about their lives. Today is floating around them, between them, and away from them.
Today is a day in the sun, and a retreat to the shade.
Today is eight bottles of water, a pack of cigarettes, and around dusk, PBR in the bottle.
Today is a certain something that is said and way you took it, well, it stayed with you warm and private.

2004-05-26T13:09:00.000-04:00

I'm about to watch something called "Tobacco: the Musical." It looks like an even less realistic version of Saved by the Bell but with singing. I can't fucking wait!

2004-05-25T13:27:00.000-04:00

i came as ice
i came as a whore
i came as advice
and i came to shore.

i came as gold
i came as crap
i came clean
and i came as a rat.

it takes a long time
but god dies to
but not before
he sticks it to you.

Yes, in reality i wish i could do a video for them. Lend some vision, some ideas, attempt to give them a piece worthy of their impact upon me.

Instead i get five guys from Newnan, GA. You've already heard me bitch, so i'll spare you for now, and let you get on with the juicy juice.

Now, understand the following:

You, most likely, will not like the song. But it's not about them, now is it? This is something Rob and i did, so keep that shit in mind.

I've had three viewings of it already (four if you include the band themselves). All opinions ranged from utter distaste to complete enthusiasm. I would very much like to hear your opinions.

This was done out of a $700 budget. This was done out of kindness, and Rob broke his back putting it together, free of charge. He made sure Griff and I were paid and took the rest in the gut.

You need the latest version of Quicktime or you will not get sound!

And last, but not least, this is what they wanted.

Now if i haven't scared you off, enjoy, with my compliments.

P.S. thanks to M@ for letting me host it off of him for free.

BURN

2004-05-24T09:34:00.000-04:00

sick motherfucker of the year award

This years runner up...

the creator of this ride.

I know disney has been invloved in some scandal in the past (penis in the cover art for 'The Little Mermaid' for example) but never, ever, have they been so blatent in their perversion. This isn't the work of a disgruntled artist. This isn't a pothead having some stoner fun.

This is wrong.

But man is it funny.

Laugh. I am right now.

2004-05-24T05:05:00.000-04:00

i'm going to cry. Rob no longer harasses me in my comments.

mortal kombat not only was a shitty video game, but a shitty movie, with a shitty sequel.

free food tip i forgot about: Go into pizza place just as they're closing. For me and the greek that equaled two larges, on the house.

2004-05-23T09:18:00.000-04:00

I found an old box of photos, and dammit, i can't get the scanner to work. Film and blogs do not sync.

I've decided how to flee this place. A greyhound. Filled to the brim with smelly poor trash, just like me. Just think, bus load of people headed out to the mid-west. think about it. Worry. Scratch your head and mutter obscenities to yourself. I am. But i have a feeling it will be worth it.

Greyhound bus ticket = $79. $79 dollars to take me 1,304 miles in 1 day and 40 minutes of estimated travel time. On a bus for a day...

bad realization from looking at old photos of myself: I am not getting any younger.

2004-05-22T11:28:00.000-04:00

Yeah, this is going to be great. I'm really looking forward to the move, and actually, i think SD will be interseting. I have no intention of staying the winter. -40 degrees. Right. Jody wrote me once, last year when winter was on it's way, stating that they only had 1 (one) degree to work with. it's a beautiful day. The high today is one..

But these two (left, pacoblue and ermstilly) are going to be my companions. What more does Jaily need? besides a perfect bank heist, i mean, really. okay, maybe a pair of those glasses. nevermind, i got the J.Lo's...

Mode of transportation: Plane, train, automobile, bus, tractor, thumb, two feet, very large animal. hopefully all of those at different points in time.

I have my first probation meeting on Thursday. I really don't know what else to say about that. And for those of you curious about the sheriff, i never went back, and no, i didn't get the number. The point was in the asking, and on my deathbed i can say that at one point in my life i hit on a cop. some of you may wonder why on earth would anyone want to. That's your deal. I personally think it's awesome. I bet when she went for donuts with her buddies she felt perhaps she should mention it, or maybe keep it to herself. regardless, for a brief moment in time she wondered what the fuck just happened that soemone like me would hit on someone like her, at court, while she was on duty. Man bites dog.

I've been asking myself if i'm ready to go. Asking myself, "is there anything you want to do before you leave?" Not really. the little i do want to do is personal, and the rest, well, just proof that i'm ready to get the fuck out of GA. Most of my friends have bailed to other cities, other states. The ones i'll leave behind, by far my closest, will be on their way out soon enough. I guess it's good that i'm not being left behind, and maybe someday i can talk them into coming to me for a change.

I'm not sure where i'll be, but i'll leave the light on for you.

2004-05-21T20:52:00.000-04:00

i want to know if any of you are Harry Potter fans.

2004-05-21T12:53:00.000-04:00

The following is for anyone who doesn't feel that coffee is a drug or feel that it's something to be ingested like water. I salute you and your iron constitution. What follows is a detailed description of my experience with coffee this morning and up to this point. Because I know you all care... and I need something to occupy myself.

1.Stay out late the night before and show up to work late feeling slightly hung over.
2.Decide that, although you know what will happen, coffee sounds like a great way to get your morning jumpstarted.
3.Brew coffee.
4.Surprise yourself by actually making a decent cup for once.
5.Ingest said cup which also equals way too much caffeine for tiny boys like yourself to stomach.
6.Immediate sweating of the ass crack.
7.Get relegated to sub-basement archives by your boss for two hours.
8.Put on "Aeroplane Over the Sea" and in a caffeine induced elation realize that Jeff Mangum is the second and third coming of Christ and thank the day that the magnificent creature known as the Greek burned you a copy of said CD. Make mental note to self to propose marriage to said Greek as soon as you get done in the sub-basement.
9.Get interrupted by boss as you are two steps away from finding the meaning of life through Jeff Mangum's lyrics.
10.Tell boss that the films you are working with smell like British food.
11.Start said CD over and get nervous because the songs aren't "as good as the first time" and your mind won't focus on anything less than twelve thousand things at once.
12.Repeatedly remind yourself to unclench your jaw.
13.Start making yourself do little dances to each song in a vane attempt at making them "as good as the first time."
14.Realize you really need a cigarette.
15.Finish up in sub-basement, go upstairs as your hands and body shake uncontrollably and grab pack of smokes.
16.Go outside for smoke, repeatedly shift your seating without ever getting comfortable and get unnecessarily freaked out about not being able to get comfortable.
17.Worry that people might think you are walking funny as you walk back inside.
18.Stifle mad desire to jog around library 25 times.
19.Walk up seven flights of stairs.
20.Have blood sugar crash, feel incredibly weak, each PB&J sandwich.
21.Try to hold conversations with coworkers while suppressing the urge to take a bite out of their foreheads.
22.Start yawning uncontrollably while simultaneously feeling your heart racing at dangerous speeds.
23.Force yourself to sit down and look at internet.
24.Wait in quiet desperation as every inch of your bowels fills up with farty gases, turning any remaining solid food into goose shit.
25.Suppress desire to make a mad dash to the bathroom, for some reason.
26.Realize that said suppression is stupid and make a mad dash for the bathroom.
27.Shite out something that makes your eyes water and leaves you asking how god would let something this terrible happen.
28.Wipe ass until ass is raw.
29.Suppress hand shakes long enough to type a blog entry all about it.

Oh, and this is a link to one of the most amazing things I've ever read: link

:P

2004-05-21T06:12:00.000-04:00

I have got to find a way up to S.D.

I've been playing phone tag with the Human Resources chick at Household, the place that employs those who wish to work for the devil.

But i am told it shouldn't matter. They are desperate. And desperate people always hire me. And sometimes not so desperate people hire me as well. this just increases the chances.

Bunny and i made it to a top ten list of this guy's daily read. he mentioned that the blogs weren't nessicarily good, but he read them anyway. I came in number six, which is awesome, but maybe i'm on the shit side? NICKERBLOG

And for the life of me, i can't figure out if this guy is real, or he lies more than TONY. suburbianights regardless, he's interesting, and a good read. go matty h, fuck 'em up.

2004-05-18T10:25:00.000-04:00

My day at court goes a little something like this...

I enter the courthouse. My paper that tells me where to go gives me the choice of two different courtrooms. As i am sure that i can't actually choose where i am supposed to go, i walk over to the information desk.

Hi. I need to figure out which courtroom i'm supposed to be in.

Do you have any paperwork?

Yup. Here.

They were supposed to circle which room you were in, and they haven't done that.

i see.

*dramatic pause*

I find my courtroom by trial and error, asking various baliffs, etc. They have the rosters, and not the information desk. I sit down. a sheriff, a non-fat, non-bulldyke female sheriff asks me to remove my hat.

I now have the hair style equivilant of a homeless man who just got laid.

The judge enters. 'ALL RISE...' He begins to give his 20 minute introduction, explaining how he is going to 'move this right along'. Afterwards he call attendance. 'Hold up your hand and say here so i know you are here.'

5 hours , 3 recesses/smoke-breaks, and an hour lunch break later...

State vs. Shaun Katz, case number...

I walk over to the podiem.

mr. Katz, you're in front of me today on the charges of driving on a suspended license, no proof of insurance, and driving on an expired tag. Did you have insurance on the vehicle at the time?

No i did not.

Ok Mr. Katz, the state has reccomended that i drop the no insurance charge in lieu of the three days you spent in jail. On the driving on an expired tag charge the state asks you pay a $130 fine. On the driving on a suspended licnese the state also reccomends a fine of $130. Now that doesn't mean i have to take the states reccomendation. Now Mr. Katz, on this charge the maximum sentence is 2 years in jail and a $1050. I'm giving you this final chance of a jury trial. You have the right to a state appointed attorney. Do you wish to continue with your plea of guilty?

Eh hmm. Certainly.

*Dramatic pause*

The judge took the states reccomendation. He gave me $130 for the tag, and another $130 for the license, and $80 in court costs. He also gave me 1 year in jail, which means one year of probation, because "a year of probation is a year of jail you spend in the outside world." whatever that means... But he said that as soon as i pay the fine my probabtion ends. That could mean as soonas tomorrow if i just happen to rob a bank on my way home this afternoon.

So as i'm sitting in the jury booth awaiting my probabtion paperwork, the non-fat, non-bulldyke sheriff comes to escort me to the office where this is all going down. She escorts me. I think to myself, she's actually kind of cute.

We get to the room. She smiles and asks me to have a seat and someone will be with me in a moment.

I do. She asks me what the hell is on my arm (my tattoo). They always ask. everyone asks me that question. it's an ice breaker, and a tool of harassment depending on the quality of person asking.

I tell her.

I then ask her for Sgt. Miller for her phone number.

Sgt. Miller says it's unprofessional to do that while she's at work, but...

2004-05-17T04:05:00.000-04:00

For my birthday i give you ME, and a face.

I hate to confees that there are no entertaining stories of drunken behavior, or run-ins with the law, as i had so hoped there would be. Of course i had hoped those stories would concern my friends (i.e. me visiting them in the pokey), but we settled for a movie instead.

Earlier in the day i enjoyed a phone call from Bunny. she's in Boston learning the ways of DNA, and discovering her true identity from her gramps. Later i had the company ofAshely and Coleen who treated me to sbux frappies and a pack of Camel's. What a tasty combo. they had to tag team me out in lieu of the fact that they work nights, so the GREEK and Rob got me. KYLE, the little fucker, bailed. So the next time you see one of his posts(if he has the balls) bitch him for me. It was nice to hang with the boys. it had been a while.

None of us were in the mood for drinks, so we saw TROY. Lame, but it's Sunday in a dry state. The movie was lame. Pfff. some cool moments that didn't save it overall, but the scene where the extra in the background was ASLEEP was awesome. Can't believe that made the final cut...

Speaking of final cuts, i have court in about 5 hours. We shall see if i do the jail time, or if i get off like i hope, and was told, that i would be.

And last, but not least, i leave you with a screen cap from the video. It's the drummer, wearing the 'smoking helmet' i had to build. You guys got the smiley, now you get this.

2004-05-16T02:09:00.000-04:00

day of the KATZINJAMMER

27

yes. i was born on this day in 1977, in Glendora CA, to a woman i have never seen since.

I share this day with the following:
Janet Jackson (maybe she'll flash me), Pierce Brosnan, Henry Fonda, Tori Spelling, to name a few.

the Greek and Kyle are coming to fetch me tonight. Along with Rob we should find ample ways to have a drunken good time.

Originally i had planned on reliving Bunny's birhtday with the minor alteration of actually remembering what we did, but as a typical female she skipped town a week early.

If you're reading this, you owe me one.