Because they did a good job and fooled half the people i work with into thinking TomWaits was actually coming to play, (they had me for a moment as well) i'm linking the Flagpole today. They came up with some other funny shit as well. check it out.
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I came back into town yesterday and went straight into work. I went to Bunny's, and from there had an amazing adventure.
Bunny McIntosh and Jaily Brokenstein
It is a semi-cold, semi-raining night. I'm not making this up, honest. I had brought a copy of Circu back with me so Bunny could see it finally. She, of course, laughed in all the wrong places. Not because she's an idiot, but because that movie is ridiculous.
Later, needing to go to my house to retrieve my wallet, which has my ID so i can cash my paycheck in the morning, Bunny offers to drive me around so i do not have to walk in the rain. She's so sweet. We get in her car. She slides the key in the ignition, turns the key, the motor revs, but does not turn over. Why? you ask. No gas.
"Do you have a portable gas tank?" i ask.
"No." She replies with a giggle. "Screw it, we'll go to a gas station, buy a tank, fill it up with a gallon and bring it back."
Sounds good to me, and seeing as there is a gas station around the corner, it's not that far of a walk. And the rain has calmed down. I'm still in work clothes. She is in a dress and leg warmers. Off we go.
Gas Station number does not supply gas tanks. Furthermore, they refuse to let us pump gas into a 2-liter bottle, no matter how much we bitched and moaned and cried and threw tantrums. They are helpful only in the light that they suggest another gas station further down the road. he tells us that it's only a couple of blocks. We head out again.
Along the way we pass a framing store, "House of 10,000 Frames". We both agree that we should steal a frame to force a name change. Bunny claims that she will never let her gas run out again.
In what seems like three hours later cause it's cold and raining again we get to the next destination. the attendant is cool. He suggests many different things we can use, or purchase, that will be of assisstance. He allows us to illegally dispense gasoline into an unlawful container. I love that term, 'unlawful container'. That's what i'm calling jailbait girls from now on. We buy an 89-cent bottle of 'Celeste Cola' (awesome), drink some (not awesome), spit it into the bushes (funny watching her do it), and fill up the bottle using an oil funnel.
Walking back it is suggested that we use the bottle of gas to instead burn down the "House of 10,000 Frames". No name change is suggested, rather implied. We also wonder how long those bulldog statues would hold up. We actually wonder and debate if we should bring the gas back at all. This is why they don't allow you to dispense into unlawful containers. It's just to tempting holding a liquid bomb in your hands.
Finally we make it back to her car, only to discover that the bottle will not quite reach the opening for the car's tank. Hmm... I take the spout from a bottle of water, one of many bottles lurking in her car, growing many cultures, evoloving, daring you to open and smell.
It worked. 1/2 a gallon of gas. Since i have to i light the bottle on fire. it was alot of fire. Alot. I couldn't put it out. We became nervous. Many cars drove by. We got in her car and took off.
Bunny tells me she wants to go to the video store, and will get gas late the next day.
This story is like a bad joke in that it's better if you were there. Sorry for all that was not amazing.
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I wish i could say this was me. Trust me, i'd be a hero in my own mind if it were.
I used to say that i would never fuck around with a girl that had eyes tattooed in her bathing suit area. I felt it would just be to distracting to have something staring back at me from that close a vicinity. That, however, seems trivial in comparison now. I may even welcome the idea, seeing as it is just a picture, not a sci-fi possibility, instead of dreading the day i see something like this in person, for multiple reasons. i am freaked out, as much so as i am impressed. this man deserves a medal.
Now, i've inserted many the foreign objects into the hooded viper (i.e. cigarettes, jewelry, etc) but never, ever, had i thought of that one. What a party trick. What a way to impress the neighbors as well to guarentee a lonely nights sleep. Perhaps it is because i still retain the use of both my eyes. Perhaps, judging from the quality tattoos on that man's hand, i haven't spent nearly enough time in jail. Perhaps i was never that bored.
Damn. This is incredible. I can't stop laughing.
Enjoy, one and all. And just think, you'll reflect on this the entire day.
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it's very quiet in here. Bunny is in her art studio building imaginary structures with autocad. other people are in this lab, being studious, earning degrees that will land them jobs as strip mall designers. not me, i'm jerking off via internet. i'm blogging. i have to type quietly, as quietly as everyone else in this room. i wish this were a kubrick movie come to life. If it were i would be guarenteed something fantasic to happen in the next 15 min seeing as it seemed to take him that long to do something. regardless, it's very quiet in here. ssh. shut up. we're learning.
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apologies in advance, but it's
i busted my ass this weekened, and my finger, as a 15lb box of bacon slammed it onto a flat top grill.
i'm pretty tired. i'm going to ATL tonight, after midnight. A friend of mine is coming to fetch me, take me to CANTON, which you are all jealous of. I have to meet w/ a friend later to discuss shooting a music video for an older friend. This is not something i am looking forward to seeing as the band is a 'i still hate my dad' band. Take Pantera, throw in a couple of guys who say, "we're not like 'pantera', we're beyond it (i don't know if they actually said that, but i wouldn't put it past them, and it's funny), we're like 'tool', but not 'tool', you know?"
Yeah, i know. Now shut up. Sad part is, i haven't even heard the song. I don't have to either. trust me on this one. They're from Newnan Co. Those in the know, know all about those folks.
Randomness:
I saw a frat kid sitting in outside dining, drinking mimosa's in the sun with some blonde girl idiots. He was wearing shorts. He had his legs crossed man-style. His balls were out for all to see, this includes me. I couldn't help it, i had to tell him. He was not happy about it. Called me a fag. Learned my lesson, i did.
The T.V. in my house has decided to no longer work properly, much to the confusion of us all. It still shows a picture, however there are rings of red, green, and blue. Porn is awesome to view in this medium however.
"The Band" is no way to open a kitchen at 8:30 in the morning. My fellow workers disagree. Have disagreed two days in a row now. I hate them on these two days.
I'll stop now. i already apologized.
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After my third attempt, I finally watched 'All the Real Girls'. Everyone I've talked with about it seems to have the same opinion: It is incredible. I've been searching, and searching, and looking in vain for the one lone soul who didn't care for it that much. Someone like me, someone who gets shocked looks, as though I am absurd for even blinking during a scene of the majesty that is 'All the Real girls.' I have yet to discover this person. It seems that I will forever be alone with this opinion. It's okay. I'm used to it. I am one of six people who thinks that 'Ravenous' is brilliant. (After watching 'Ravenous', it is imperative that you give a 'thumbs-up' hand gesture while saying the title. Then I can sort you from the rest, knowing you have seen a rare, but beautiful light. Jesus had the fish in the sand, Buddha had a tree, Mohammad a meteor. I have this.)
Some of the things that have been said about 'All the Real Girls':
"It's small town life. I guess it hit me because of that..."
"Yeah they're slow. That's what makes it so good..."
"The second half is where everything goes to shit. It's awesome."
"Oh my God, you don't like it? It's incredible, it's so fucking real it's great."
"It opens with Will Oldham. How can you not think it's fucking brilliant?"
"She did it because he didn't make her feel attractive." (Guess the sex of the person who said that.)
Yes, the soundtrack was great. Will Oldham, Mogwai, and other cool folks I cannot remember to mention contribute. So was the soundtrack to 'Ravenous', AND it was original. You don't see me trying to sell it on that alone. (A dumb point, I know.)
If you want to see a film about simple life, rent 'You Can Count On Me.' If you want to see something about small hick towns, rent 'Gummo', but I am warning you on that one.
There were two scenes in 'All the Real Girls' I enjoyed. The mother and the son dancing in clown outfits for hospitalized children. Great scene. The other, when they participate in a dirt track race using their mother's car. Laughable. I politely yawned my way through the rest. However, it did really piss me off, things the characters did towards the end, how the story resolved, etc. In my opinion, it is better to feel something about a movie then leave it with indifference. Additionally, George Lucas had nothing to do with it, so it wins points simply for being that. With that opinion in mind, it soundly makes 'Hot Dog the Movie' amazing.
SIDENOTE:
When Matrix: Revolutions (the third one) came out, my friend Kurdt found a bulletin board for those wishing to say dumb shit as they usually do on those things. One person was bold, fucking amazing, nailing it dead on. In fact, his comment kept me from seeing the flick.
" 'Star Wars: A Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones' were a triumphs of character development in comparison to Matrix: Revolutions."
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I would like to take this opportunity, seeing as I have a captive audience (unless you close the page) to rant.
WOMEN WHO PRIDE THEMSELVES FOR HAVING A BITCH ATTITUDE
I understand being strong, in mind, in attitude, or being a weight lifter, despite how horribly disgusting you are. I understand wanting to be effective in everything you do, especially in social circles. I understand not taking any shit from people. But seriously, having pride in the ability to be a bitch, use it often, and laugh about it, hey (wo)man, fuck you. Additionally, not only is it sexist, bullshit, and stupid, but its bad kid behavior.
Saying the following:
"I'm a bitch, I don't care, fuck it." = "I lack the ability to relate to anything without hostile apathy."
"Look at my new sticker from Hot Topic. It says '100% Bitch" = "I haven't a clue how to properly use money."
"Look at my new key chain from the gas station. It also says "100% Bitch!" = "My parents are rednecks and should have had their license to breed revoked."
"Sorry to be such a bitch, but..." = "I am unable to come up with healthy resolutions on my own."
"Bitch is the name for a female dog." = "I have a basic knowledge in breeding dogs."
The sad part is, that behavior is tolerated, and sometimes expected. Sometimes people want to be around dominating voices. Fuck that. You need to be abused, get yourself a BDSM kit.
Take a man, boy, male, penis possessing human being, and listen to him say, "I'm an asshole. YIPPIE!" You would be so impressed you'd leave a puddle in your chair. Admit it. There is nothing more in the world you love more than for a guy to be a dick, right? What the fuck makes you think we like it when you act the bitch? More often than not we would say something, but honestly it's easier to just let you spout forth bullshit in hopes you'll get it out of your system so we don't have to listen to how MTV raised you.
Assholes and bitches are just that. When encountering one, it should be suggested that they be lynched.
I am bored with this.
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es el diablo? si o no?
napolean suggested that i change my pic of two men fighting. he said it looked like shit.
he hurt my feelings. but since he is such a good friend, i took his advice.
So, napolean, everyone, what do you think?
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It was changed in the UK to "Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles" to stop kids hitting each other.with homemade nunchuckers and copying the ninja way (the suits thought that it was a bad influence).
UK Version:
Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles
Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles
Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles
Heroes in a half-shell - Turtle Power
They’re the world’s most fearsome fighting teens, (we're really hip)
They’re heroes in a half-shell, and they’re green, (hey! get a grip!)
When the evil Shredder attacks,
These turtles boys don't cut him no slack.
Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles,
Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles.
Splinter taught them to be fighting teens, (he's a radical rat)
Leonardo leads, Donatello does machine's, (that's a fact chap).
Raphael is cool but crude, (gimme' a break!)
Michaelangelo is a party dude (Hurray!!).
Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles,
Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles.
Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles.
Heroes in a half shell,
Turtle power!
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i have made a new interfriend. he is friends with some of my actual, i've seen you and have spoken with you in real life friends. we actually met in the street a couple of days ago. We may create awesome films together, who know.
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Amazing. Fantastic. Wonderful. Eternally Spotless! I'll see it again and again. After I saw it I watched the Director's Works of Michel Gondry just so I could hang out with him a bit more before I fell asleep, half drunk on wine, (yes, like an art fag) feeling good about cinema again after the longest dry spell I've seen in a while. RAD!
However, along with my roomies The Greek and Shorty McGirlfriendless (or is he? I'm not sure anymore...)we all agree upon the following: We hope this is the last medical/industry memory/mind-fuck from Charlie Kaufman for a while. He is good at it, really writes the subject well, but give it a break before it becomes old and tired. I do have my complaints about it, but they feel petty, because they are.
I want to talk the hell out of it, but I do not want to spoil it for those who have yet the pleasure.
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The Hippo wasn't making that shit up. There really was a comic strip.
How old was that girl to know that?
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I'm beginning to have the opinion that South Americans know how to make better films than us Northerners do. Univision may still suck despite the ridiculous humor and incredibly hot women that they employ as 'actresses', but their films are incredible.
Take "Amores Perros" for example. Anything Alejandro Inarittu touches turns to gold. His short, "powder keg", that he made for BMW was amazing.
Yes, I'm sure they have their fair share of crap, and only the cream that rose to the top makes it here, but that cream is extra special, John Holmes style. Even Robert Rodriguez still holds a special place in my heart.
I saw City of God the other night, for the second time.
I was lucky enough to get to see it in a theatre again.
That movie is so much more than Brazilian thugs take over a city with drugs and violence and yet I get the feeling that those two points are what the majority people are sold with.
I'm sure it has been recommended to you a billion times by now, to take the damn recommendation and get off your lazy ass and rent it. Form your own opinion, but make it a good one.
Afterwards, return here and thank me. I know you will be broken and humbled, but all will be okay. I promise. You'll raise your head high once more.
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wait, wait wait. i have a story.
bono drinks coffee in athens. so do i.
i said to him "Hey Bono. I like your sunglasses. Can i try them on?"
he said i couldn't. i told him the joushua tree was the lousiest album ever.
we got into a fight and he worked me like a girl scout.
i also drink beer. bono does not.
that makes me the victor.
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The Greek is a lucky man. Because of his oh so cool job at the Flagpole, he got to go to
SXSW over the weekend. He is being paid to go to all the shows he can handle, drink
free beer and cocktails, stay in a nice hotel, and write stories in the media standard of a
third grade intelligence.
Bunny McIntosh gets to go to Coachella (sp?), for free, and will receive the same perks as
mentioned above. She gets to do this because she is awesome, and the right people
recognize that.
Now, if I want to go to a big music festival thing, it’s Music Midtown, or Lollapalooza.
Both put guns into my mouth, cocked and loaded, and I would have to pay, not only
an exorbitant monetary fee, but the cost of my sanity, for the pleasure of hearing stuff
played on the radio, live. I steal/borrow music from the internet for a reason. The radio is
one of them .
They are, or will be, having a lot of fun, and ultimately, a great experience.
I am doing something wrong.
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Yesterday was Saturday. It is normally a busy day at work for me. I know this.
No one told me it was 'Parents Day' today at UGA.
No one told me that all parents and their student children wanted to eat were fried green
tomato sandwiches and crab cakes. A lot of them. A disgusting amount of them.
No one told me I was going to have my ass handed to me at work.
But I soon found out all these things. Life is hard. Cry for me.
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This week has been filled with pre-80's high pitched singing bands.
It started the other day at work with the 'Stylistics'. I never thought it would be an excellent choice of listening pleasure in which to set up a kitchen for a day. I think i'll go buy the album soon.
"Darlin' YOOOOOU, YOOOOU make me fell brand new..."
And yesterday, as i was trying to nap and convince my sleeping buddy that 'Steely Dan' wasn't a viable option for resting/napping/passing out. It was replaced by 'Supertramp'.
"Goodbye stranger..."
And with that, goodbye napping.
Then i get woken to move a big white fluffy chair, replacing it's former location with a drum set.
Goodbye serenity.
It was worth a grilled cheese, tomato soup, and two PBR's.
Goodnight.
Maybe i can get to work tomorrow. On time. So i don't have to hear my boss call me 'Lateness' again.
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i just get the comments thing to work and already i have an annoying stalker.
being off of work has proved fruitful.
now i need to see what it is like outside.
you know, enjoy my day off.
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comments work. use them.
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Being late for work has afforded me the day off, actually. Good, now i have the time to fix this stupid 'comments' issue i am having.
Funny part:
I woke up so quickly i got dizzy and eneded up passing out onto a trashcan, landing in some broken glass. I even dropped my cigarette on my bare foot.
Mississippi trailer parks BEWARE. There's a new gun in town.
No katzinjammers were hurt in the ordeal.
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This ad was found in the Flagpole. Think what you will, laugh if you want. I did.
Looking for a companion who enjoys bowling, swimming and is perhaps a Donny Osmond fan for a young woman w/ developmental disabilities, to assit her to live in her Athens home. The posistion is FT day hrs. Ref. checks and drug screen expexted. Own transpotation is a must. Apply in person at Georgia- etc etc. No phone calls please.
Donny Osmond.
Exactly how are we supposed to call, lady?
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Killing All Tame Zebras.
The Greek likes to make acronyms out of names. That"s the one he gave to me. Considering he didn"t have much to work with, I think it"s decent, and honestly, there"s not a lot you can do with the letter "Z". You"re a smart boy, you figure the rest out.
In some circles I"m referred to as the "tall guy". Again, seeing as you"re so smart, you can probably imagine why I"m referred to that way. In other less savvy internet circles (mainly those I email or friendster) you"ll see the tagline (katzinjammer). I will admit, that one needs some explaining.
In elementary school, elementary school children give elementary nicknames to fellow elementary children. Handicap people make handicap faces, kids do things that tease other kids. And fuck with Mormon Community.
Some of the more "choice" names were:
Kitty Katz: lame, honestly, lame.
Meow Mix: they called me a cat food brand, I shit you not.
Cat-Man: one that would have been cool if they said I was married to cat-woman, but back then girls were gross, and some of them still kind of are even today.
Then Comedy Central aired "Dr. Katz". Logic would then dictate, and so forth.
Later, I worked at a Fuddrucker"s. Many, many moons ago that was. Go ahead and laugh, I certainly do. It was awesome. I cooked so much red meat I actually had a conversation with other employee"s estimating how many cows that store alone murdered. Not that we cared, we were just into death and Danzig. It was great when this guy named Jack would work mornings with the rest of us. He was the "butcher". He would spend hours alone in a cold, refrigerated room WITH windows so the customers could actually SEE how fresh their kill was. And then he would howl, howl and swear about how cold it was in there. Very loudly. We could hear him, and sometimes it scared us, especially when he would chase us with a knife and an extremely bloody apron on, throwing bloody meat with reckless abandon.
I also worked with this huge fat man named Claude who proudly claimed that his cooking specialty was "fryin" up some fries". That was the only thing he could say without stuttering. Damn, he was incredible to be around. And, as you could imagine, he made some tasty French fries.
As all businesses usually have a hierarchy, they also have management. We had four, one of them a woman who ate foot-long hotdogs as though they were the apples of Eden. And if there were hippopotamus"s in the Garden of Eden, this woman was modeled from the original mold. I wish I could remember her name, well, actually the only reason I care is to lend flavor to this, but whatever. She looked, and ate, like a hippopotamus. Funny.
Apparently there is an old comic strip named the "Katzinjammer (sp?) Kids." Ah, I see now, she called you that! Nope. She called me "Mr. Katzinjammer". Awesome. Even better my fellow workers started calling me that as well. Since I worked with friends, they followed suit.
And it was so that I was given my first nickname. One that stuck anyway.
It is not a dj name. I am not into cyber-punk RPG"s. I just have a convienient memory when this "com-poo-ter" shit asks me for a username.
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About two years ago I made a short film with a friend of mine for a little under $6,000.
I wrote it, as well as acted. I have nine credits. We were essentially very busy, and very under
prepared. My friend did the rest. We are a two-man army doing guerilla filmmaking.
It was about a clown (who uses absolutely no dialogue through out the entire piece) from
Romania who came to the U.S. to be the lackey on a children's television show. His family,
Back home in Romania, fell in with a lackluster crowd, owing a debt they could not pay.
The clown's brother told these people to try and collect from the clown. And thus, they did.
FASTFORWARD:
On the run, the clown evades the villains via a sink in a Waffle House bathroom,
transporting him into the Atlantic Ocean. From that moment on everything that was once
wrong in our hero's life is now made right. The villains kill each other, and the co-host gets
the rancid cream-pie in the face.
Oddly enough, the two colors my defective eyes cannot handle are used symbolically, being:
(A) BLUE, for depression, and
(B) RED, for fiery heroism.
The clown uses both respectively.
The name of the short was CIRCU (cheer-ku). It is Romanian for "circus". Why we decided
to go with that instead of just adding the fucking "S" and avoid the constant and needed
correction of pronunciation is beyond me. Artistic pretension? Maybe. Being difficult for the
sake of being difficult? Probably more like it.
Baptism of a Romanian Clown.
You don't have to tell me twice that I'm a genius.
However, what our critics at various festivals wrote about our short went along these lines:
"Good acting and unusual scripting mark this actioneer about a Clown."
"It's what 'Shakes the Clown' would have been had Tarantino got his hands on it."
Can you imagine Bobcat Goldwaith and Quentin Tarantino working together? And what,
exactly, does unusual scripting mean? Theories rise quickly depending on what you think
of me and /or my work.
And now I have a blog. Even more theories arise for why I have done this, most dealing with
exhibition. The truth is actually a bit different, being I was either (A) Corrupted,
(B) Tainted, or (C) Enthusiastically Influenced by a Bunny. Why I agreed to do this does in
fact deal with an exhibitionist side of me. No use denying that, but you are the voyeurs
reading it, so keep it quiet.
All in all, I am glad the Bunny was around to do it, whatever it was/is/will be.
And oddly enough, the Bunny uses the colors red and blue respectively.
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bunny mcintosh says
fuck
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