I don't really like my job all that much. There are aspects of it, however, that i really do enjoy. The pay could be better, and if i could record some of the calls i take, well, that would make it even more worth the headache.
You have to understand that i attempt to call over a thousand people a day (usually around 1,100-1,200) and actually make contact with about 50 of them.
Certain 'gems' tend to get lost and blogging them never quite have the same effect as actually being a part of the call itself.
But sometimes you get calls that just stick out no matter how long ago they were.
The following is one of those calls i had this past Saturday morning around 11am between MYSELF and a certain female CARDHOLDER.
hello?
yes, hello?
is this Sandra?
yes. speaking.
hi. this is shaun with household cred-
oh i'm so glad you called.
you are? most people run and scream and call me obscenities.
no, i wouldn't do that.
well listen Sandra i'm calling about your-
yeah, i wanted to talk to you about that. I had a really bad night last night.
oh yeah, what happened?
well first of all i woke up in the middle of the night, around 3:30 or so, with a really bad case of diarrhea., i mean a REALLY bad case, so then i tried to get back to sleep, but then it happened AGAIN around six and now i haven't been able to get back to sleep and i have really bad stomach cramps.
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Okay. A couple things you have to understand before i continue with this:
1: She is from NY, and has a thick accent.
2: She sounds young and possibly sexy despite what she is telling me.
3: I am supposed to listen to and acknowledge the problems of the accounts/cardholders i work.
4: My employers wish me to keep control of the conversations and yet not interrupt to prevent hang-ups.
5: This sounds like i'm being fucked with.
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sounds like maybe you should go to the hospital?
do you think? I mean, i don't know, you think it had something to do with the eyedrops?
what, did someone pull the 'visine in your coffee' trick on you?
(laughs) no i mean the prescription they gave me. i think i have it somewhere around here.
i don't know anything about that.
well you should, you're the one who told me to get it.
no. i didn't tell you to get anything ma'am.
who is this?
Shaun, from household, calling about your credit card.
You MOTHERFUCKER. oh god-dammit, you piece of shit cocksucker motherfucker!
*click*
And that is a but a taste of some of the shit i have to deal with.
I live for those type of calls.
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Every script or video i've ever worked on / created/ tryed to create has always had some shitty "working title" attached to it.
Well, almost everone...
For "Circu" it was "The Clown Movie".
Before that the script was "The guy who teleports anytime he gets wet movie".
My trailer trash girl script were the the actress goes from bad to worse is called, "The White Trash movie".
WAAAAAAAy before that, when Rob and i had even less of a clue as to what we were doing, we had "The Chase movie, PTS. 1,2,3,&4".
And now, after a quick shoot on a Saturday night with nothing better to do, i can soon bring you;
THE BEAR MOVIE
That's right, i'll have a little treat for you by next week.
With the "GAY WRESTLER WHO SEEKS REVENGE UPON THE FORCES OF ROCK"(or "Flamboyo") movie put on hold until OCT 8th, i had to do something in the meantime.
What better to do then grab some cameras, some friends, a bear outfit, and tolerate being thrown out of a Wal-Mart & two Hy-Vee's?
So we did, and it was awesome.
I'm sick and feel like shit. My lungs want to kill me. I think i have a fever but can't be bothered to get a thermometer to find out.
I think the cast and crew of "Flamboyo" will be great. Just working with a few of them last night gives me a good impression that some talent actually exists in this town aside from what was already injected.
27 cast and crew and counting already. Shoot date/begin deadline of OCT. 8th. No script, an improv/ Christopher Guest style mockumentary/rip and i'll be flying through.
And then i'll bring it all to you.
Because something in you is curious about it.
Oh. It's going to be awesome.
Just wait.
And if any of you has an idea for a "bear movie" title, put it in the comments.
Best suggestion names it.
OH BOY!
That's right, i'll have a little treat for you by next week.
With the "GAY WRESTLER WHO SEEKS REVENGE UPON THE FORCES OF ROCK"(or "Flamboyo") movie put on hold until OCT 8th, i had to do something in the meantime.
What better to do then grab some cameras, some friends, a bear outfit, and tolerate being thrown out of a Wal-Mart & two Hy-Vee's?
So we did, and it was awesome.
I'm sick and feel like shit. My lungs want to kill me. I think i have a fever but can't be bothered to get a thermometer to find out.
I think the cast and crew of "Flamboyo" will be great. Just working with a few of them last night gives me a good impression that some talent actually exists in this town aside from what was already injected.
27 cast and crew and counting already. Shoot date/begin deadline of OCT. 8th. No script, an improv/ Christopher Guest style mockumentary/rip and i'll be flying through.
And then i'll bring it all to you.
Because something in you is curious about it.
Oh. It's going to be awesome.
Just wait.
And if any of you has an idea for a "bear movie" title, put it in the comments.
Best suggestion names it.
OH BOY!
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i think i may head on out of the Sodak soon.
maybe around January or so.
any suggestions?
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On Thursday i wrote that i should probably just get drunk, but instead i opted to blog and yeah... Before that I had given the site a facelift. Those who noticed commented saying they approved, others stating that i had given the blog a new, "more wanted by the FBI look..."
For example:
like the new look.
a better, more FBI wanted look.
.
Like the new look at the top, but haven't you already been visited by the FBI once you looking for a round two?
This is funny.
Here is why.
Friday was my only day off. I had spent the night (Thursday night) with Tara. Since we had been seeing each other for about two weeks straight non-stop we were getting sick of each other. She decided to be the first to speak up, and although we had plans to run some errands for the new piece i'm working on, decided to leave me high and dry and ditch me.
So, after dropping me off at my car i remembered that i had left some shit at her place ( mostly laundry) and immediately went back over to her apartment to pick it up. It took all of five minutes. On the way out i was passed by a cop.
The cop pulled me over for my bum tag.
The same cop ran my ID.
That same very cop then arrested me.
Fuck yeah. Twice in a year now.
The charges are a little different this time however.
Did you know that in the State of South Dakota it is illegal, but not something to be arrested for, to drive with a suspended license? But it is if you are caught in possession of the license itself.
Well shit.
So there i am in the Sioux Falls jail.
Not really a lot to mention about the place itself, except for the fact that they give you black and white stripes to wear instead of the 'oranges'. And sadly, no, they didn't provide the little hats...
I was in for a total of 4 hours. I made bail only because Fran, my new friend and Fry'n Pan waitress had given me her number so we could hang out sometime.
A big mistake on her part.
She came to my rescue, a guy she hardly knew, putting up the $225 to get me out.
Say what you will about the midwest, but the people here are fucking nice. That would've never happened in Atlanta.
But yeah, it boils down to the fact that i got arrested and my regular waitress bailed me out of the pokey.
And while i was in there a short little indian man (feather, not dot) gave me a request on a piece of paper to help him out. I'll provide the translation:
TRANSLATION:
707 N. Prairie, up stairs...
ask for Mayda Dupree
tell her to call Amy, my probation officer,
and come and get me out. all i need is 75 dollars.
i feel guilty about it, but i never went. Just seemed really skecthy...
So i decided to sport the gift from Kyle/MegaMan in hopes to thwart the police in any further attempts they might have to act Johnny Law and nab the most harmless criminal on the planet, being me,
with love and kisses and the theft of your kittens,
-Jaily Brokenstein
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I'm 27 years old.
And not once in my entire life have I ever said to myself, "just get so drunk tonight you pass out..."
Until tonight that is. So i blog instead.
This being Thurs. night(my friday leading into my weekend off), i find myself with a serious case of homesick blues. Today at work i joked about the benefits of going to gay bars if you were short of cash because it was a pretty reliable source of free alcohol, as well as an interesting assortment of stories to tell later on the next day.
And so what if your ass was grabbed a few times. Consider it a complement. Get me drunk enough and i may do the same to you.
The people around me looked at me like i was out of my fucking mind.
Like i had taken it TOO far, and that shit just wasn't funny.
I wanted to blow them up with my SPACEBALLStm flamethrower, but i didn't have one handy.
Sigh.
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so yeah...
i'm seeing this girl. if you remember she was #3 on a post i had earlier, the one where she could talk shop but had a ;i'm going girl' crush' on an ass with long hair, worse taste, and fuck-all.
Guess the mysterious reading guy trick worked again.
HURON, S.D.- the city that hosted the Sodakia State Fair.
That's where i was this weekend. conveniently enough Tara's folks live just outside of the area, in Alpena, SD, pop.172, i shit you not. Four main roads, only one of them paved, and the pavement runs out after about 500 feet.
And her dad "buddy" runs a farm.
And yes, while i stayed the weekend with her parents, "buddy" took me out on that farm.
A cattle farm.
Those poor bastards will get the knife later on this year.
But "buddy" is awesome, his land; beautiful. I mean gorgeous. I mean, i 've never seen anything like it in my entire life. There is something about riding around in a pick-up with a 60 year old man, ex-navy, suffers from emphysema, has a dachshund named "bruiser" who rides along, and getting an amazing tour and education covering hundreds upon hundreds of acres in the middle of nowhere.
The place was so isolated that coming back to Sioux Falls was like returning to civilization.
If i ever go back to Atlanta i think i'll have a heart attack.
Back to the fair.
The fair was boring for the most part. Lots of people wearing "get 'er done" t-shirts.
Tara and i rode rides. The 'tornado" put my stomach through my head, so fuck all that for future reference.
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fucking bill collectors.....
i hate them.
as everyone should.
what nerve they have calling people on sundays. I mean honestly, just because i avoid them all week when they call and the only day i have the balls to answer the phone when they call to collect the months of deliquincy i've amassed, well...
sunday is the lords day.
and i don't pay bills on that day.
but i'll yell at you.
and i'll call you a cocksucker.
and i'll threaten to fuck your face in.
but i refuse to conduct business on the lord's day.
so you have a nice day, a blessed day, a holy "why the fuck do i bother trying to help these fucking retards" day.
I really want to steal/use BUNNY's line on these people.
"pay your bills, cause this dick ain't gonna suck itself."
but i'd probably get fired if i said that.
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Everyone should wish JODY a happy birthday. Even though he is a slacker blogger and is rubbing off on me, we should still show our support as he enters into the darkest years of his life. May God or something like it have mercy on his soul. Since he's a a native blood, probably a turtle carrying the world or such...
Two weeks and two posts.
It's not that i suck, but this town.
I have a lot to tell, but fear letting it out prematurely
I will tell you it involves the VORTEX...
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